I Wish You Enough
by Jessimicah
Summary: Castle wasn't going to challenge Beckett's statement that this was déjà vu. In the end she'd realise it was fate. Set after 3.17
1. Chapter 1

_My eyes adored you  
>Though I never laid a hand on you,<br>My eyes adored you  
>Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see<br>How I adored you:  
>So close, so close and yet so far<em>

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 1<em>

Beckett waited as Castle opened the door to his loft, her duffle bag slung over one shoulder. Always the gentleman, he allowed her to enter first and closely followed behind before closing the door. She hovered uncertainly, startling slightly when he placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed them reassuringly, dipping his head to make eye-contact, his warm breath fanning across her face as he spoke.

"Let me take the coat, KB."

Beckett glanced down at the heavy coat he'd leant her on the car ride over. The soft fabric felt as though it would cost more than her monthly rent, and a pang of guilt coursed through her as she saw the traces of ash and blood she'd now left stained on it. With a brief tilt of her head she shrugged her shoulders to help as his hands slid the fabric down her arms, his fingers grasping her lightly.

"Detective Beckett!"

Beckett turned as a blur of red shot across the loft and ploughed into her, and she stumbling slightly backwards from the force, before Castle's large hand pressed against her back and kept her balance steady. She held back her grimace of pain as the redheaded bundle tightened its grip around her waist.

"Hey Lex." The nickname slipped out of its own accord, but Beckett welcomed its sense of familiarity. Her mind was still spinning, unable to properly focus on anything at all.

Alexis pulled away after a few seconds, concerned eyes running over the bruised detective. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Lex." The disbelieving look on Alexis' face was such a mirror image of her father's Beckett couldn't help but smile. The comforting hand against her back fell away and she mentally berated herself for missing the reassurance the touch provided.

"Kate, sweetheart." Gracious as always, Martha moved from the kitchen to join the small group, pulling Beckett into a gentle hug, the older redhead more mindful of her injuries, before pulling away and running a very critical, _motherly_ eye over her. Uncomfortable with the lingering, concerned looks from _two_ Castle's and Martha, Beckett stepped out of the small circle and grabbed her bag from Bigger Castle's arm.

"Well, my place was blown up and I'm homeless. Again. Castle's letting me crash here until I find somewhere, if that's ok with you guys? I hate to impose-"

Martha 'tsked' in interruption. "Darling, you are more than welcome to stay, you know that."

"Yeah, and it's always more fun ganging up on dad when you're here!" Alexis added, laughing when her dad wrapped an arm around her neck and ruffled her hair.

Taking the bag from Beckett and pushing it into her son's stomach, Martha placed her arm around the detective's shoulder and led her towards the stairs. Beckett shot a wry smile back at Castle. "Feels a lot like déjà vu, huh?"

Rick Castle watched, Alexis pressed against his side, as his mother led Beckett upstairs to one of their guest bedrooms.

He wasn't going to challenge her statement that this was déjà vu. In the end she'd realise it was fate.

* * *

><p><em>Two hours earlier<em>

"Hey! NYPD! Freeze!"

Kate Beckett sprinted after her suspect as he tore off down the empty New York City street. Her demanding voice and threatening gun failed to stop the man and Beckett huffed in annoyance as he rounded a corner and disappeared from her sight. Shoving her gun back into it's holster against her hip, her heels pounding loudly on the wet ground, Beckett continued the chase, a prickling along her neck the only indication she needed to know that Castle was just a few paces behind her.

She rounded another corner at breakneck speed. With the momentum of her body pushing her forward she had no chance to block the metal crowbar as it swung towards her, the air whooshing out of her lungs as it connected with her stomach. The air stolen from her, her legs gave out and she fell to her knees, watching in pain _and_ annoyance as their suspect tossed the crowbar and took off around another corner. Heavy footsteps behind her signalled Castle's arrival and he stopped dead at the sight of her doubled over.

"Beckett?"

Panting, one arm wrapped around her burning stomach, Beckett yanked the walkie talkie from her pants and shoved it up towards Castle. Without needing instruction, he gave Esposito and Ryan their suspect's direction, one eye trained on the detective's hunched over form.

"Beckett, are you ok?" His message to the boys received, Castle pocketed the walkie talkie and crouched down in front of his detective, watching anxiously as she tried to take deep breaths. His hands itched to reach out and touch her face, her shoulders, _anywhere_.

"Beckett?" His voice held more alarm this time so Beckett took a painful breath and glanced up at him.

"I'm ok."

After a few large gulps of air, the searing in her stomach lessened to a dull throb. Shakily she rose to her feet, silently cursing her pumps for encouraging her wobbly knees to try and buckle.

"Uh...Beckett...you're kinda..." Standing as she did, one hand reaching out to steady her, Castle motioned to her clothes. Glancing down, Beckett bit back her shout of aggravation as she saw her favourite jeans were covered in mud, as were her hands and arms.

"Perfect. Freakin' perfect."

Wiping the mud from her palms onto the ruined denim, Beckett glanced up into the concerned face of her partner.

"C'mon, my place is a few blocks away. I'll change quickly and we'll head back into the precinct."

Nodding, concern clenching in his stomach, Castle followed her back down the street, hovering just a bit closer than he usually would, one hand lightly on the small of her back. She was still a bit shaky and if she fell, he was going to be there to catch her.

"Hey, you're hurt. Does this mean I can drive?"

Beckett let out a small, breathless laugh. "Firstly, I'm not hurt, just out of breath. Secondly, in your dreams, writer boy."

"Firstly, yes you _are_ hurt. Secondly, you're _always_ in _my_ dreams. Thirdly, it's writer _man_, detective."

They'd finally reached her car and Beckett slipped into the driver's seat before Castle could protest, wary of the mud covering half her body and hoping it didn't stain the seat covers.

"Call Esposito, tell him we'll meet them at the precinct in half an hour."

"Yes ma'am." With a childish salute to match, Castle pulled out his cell.

Rolling her eyes, Beckett bit down hard on her lip, hoping the sting would take away from the ache in her stomach. Thinking of nothing but a warm, hot shower, she pressed her foot on the accelerator and headed towards her apartment.

* * *

><p>Dancing from foot to foot, Beckett's shivering fingers made it difficult to get the damn key into her front door and her temper thinned the longer she fumbled. She glanced down at the small puddle of mud slowly forming on the carpeted floor and inwardly cursed their stupid suspect and his fondness for swinging crowbars.<p>

After a few unsuccessful tries she finally managed to put the key in, the clicking of the lock like music to her ears. For the second time that day she propelled her body forward, thinking of nothing but a warm shower. An ominous _snap_ was her only warning that something was _wrong_ and she glanced up as she stepped through the doorway, eyes widening at the broken red wire dangling above her head.

She lunged backwards, but not quickly enough. A thunderous roar, a surge of heat and shards of debris flung her into the air before the hallway wall connected with her body. As she crumpled to the ground, a piercing ringing in her ears, seeing nothing but blurry red flames engulfing her apartment, she wondered hazily _what freakin' psychotic person has blown up my apartment this time?_

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Hi everyone! I hope you like the first chapter (even though it was a little short)_

_I'll try to post every couple of days, assuming you're interested? Let me know pleaseee..._

_Jess_


	2. Chapter 2

_Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over_

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><p><em>Chapter 2<em>

With a slight spring in his step, Castle made his way towards Beckett's apartment, a brown paper bag containing their bagels under one arm, two hot coffees secured in a carrier in his other hand. He could sense her temper had been declining as they'd made their way back to her place so she could change and rather than testing her tolerance like he normally would take immense pleasure in doing, Castle instead chose to grab them some food from the cafe across the road while she cleaned up. It was almost dinner time but he doubted Beckett would want to stop to eat, her focus was on closing their case and she wasn't going to let something as mundane as _hunger_ get in her way.

He was just passing her parked car when the ground beneath his feet shook violently and a loud roaring filled his ears. Glass shattered from windows in Beckett's building, the shards raining down and prickling his skin. It took Castle seconds to realise Beckett was somewhere in the building that had just exploded and less time than that for their food to crash to the ground as he sprinted towards the front entrance. He vaguely heard someone yelling at him to stop, but all thoughts consisted only of _Kate, Kate, Kate, please dear God be ok, _his feet controlling his body as they steered him towards where her apartment was. He thanked every deity he'd ever heard of when he found her sprawled on the floor outside her burning apartment, ash and dust covering her hair and body. He skidded to a stop and dropped to his knees, ignoring the sharp sting as splinters nicked through his skin. He could see her chest rising and falling and his heart hammered with relief.

"Beckett? _Kate_, are you ok?"

Castle carefully tugged her limp body into a sitting position against the wall before gently tapping her cheeks and smoothing the matted hair from her forehead.

His voice shook with worry as he called out her name again, willing her eyes to open. "Kate?"

When she coughed and raised one hand to the side of her head, Castle let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding and cupped her face in relief, stroking his thumb along her cheekbone.

"Kate, honey, are you ok? Tell me what hurts, we need to get you to a hospital. Can you stand? Never mind, I'll carry you."

She coughed again, finally opening her eyes to glare weakly at him. "_Honey_?"

"Sorry, I'm sorry. Are you ok?"

Her voice was raspy, but still firm enough to have him gulping. "Castle. _Shut_. _Up_. Between your incessant voice and the buzzing in my ears, I can't think."

"I'm sorry. C'mon, we need to get you to a hospital." He tried to wrap one arm around her shoulders but she shoved him away, bracing her hands against the blackened wall before pushing herself to her feet. Her knees buckled, she fell straight back down and Castle's worry lunged towards absolute terror. God, she was bleeding and pale and her hands were shaking and she couldn't stand up. He didn't like this version of Beckett.

"Please don't shoot me, please don't shoot me." He all but begged after seconds of indecision, firmly wrapping one arm around her shoulders and the other under her knees, pulling her tightly against his chest as he stumbled to his feet. He could see her apartment was still ablaze, smoke curdling its way out and around them.

"If you don't put me down _this second_ I will shoot you."

Ignoring her feeble protests, Castle carried her as quickly as his body would allow out into the foyer of her building and then onto the street packed with curious bystanders. Her words may have been daunting, but the mere fact that she _wasn't_ fighting against his hold terrified him more.

"I'm trying to be a hero, Beckett. Let me have a little fun." Panting, he scanned the crowded street for any sign of an ambulance and muttered a curse when he couldn't see one.

"Josh."

Castle glanced down at his dazed detective, blood seeping from cuts across her face and neck. She repeated her words when he looked at her blankly.

"No hospital, take me to Josh. He's not on call tonight."

Castle's heart skipped a beat and his stomach clenched painfully. On the one hand, he did _not_ want to see the fantastic Dr Motorcycle Boy, but on the other he knew Beckett needed medical attention and he could never deny her anything, regardless of how much it would hurt. Mumbling another oath, though this time so she didn't hear, he grudgingly obeyed her request, savouring the last few moments of her warm body snugly in his arms.

* * *

><p>Castle had to hand it to Josh, <em>Mr. I Save The World<em>, seemed completely impervious to find his girlfriend being supported by another man, covered in ash and spattered with blood, outside his apartment at 6p.m. on a Monday night. Like it was a freakin' regular occurrence or something.

Opening the door wider, Josh braced his shoulder under Beckett's other arm, almost possessively pulling her away from Castle and leading her down a hall without a single word spoken. Castle hovered for a few seconds, unsure whether or not to follow. Josh disappeared with Beckett around a corner with no invite for Castle to enter the apartment. After a few awkward moments the anxiety over Beckett's condition won out against good manners and Castle stepped in, closing the front door behind him. He curiously scanned the good doctor's apartment as he followed them down the hall and into a large gleaming white and black tiled bathroom. Beckett was sitting on the toilet seat lid, Josh kneeling in front of her, examining her arms and wrists, dabbing a wet cloth across the seeping cuts.

"What happened this time?" Josh's voice was terse and Castle stepped forward, annoyed objection on Beckett's behalf ready to spew forth. Since when had Josh become such a douche? The very few times they'd met, including the one after his and Beckett's freezer scare just over a week ago, Josh had been nothing but polite to him. Now he was being blatantly cold to him _and_ Beckett for no apparent reason.

"My apartment blew up. Again." Beckett murmured, wincing when he cleaned a tender spot on her forehead.

"Castle, there's a first aid kit under the sink, grab it please." Finally acknowledging the writer, Josh's voice was curt as he pointed towards the cabinet he was referring to. This time Beckett protested on _his_ behalf, her eyes flashing in irritation.

"Josh, don't be rude."

"I said please." Doctor boy muttered. Castle raised an eyebrow at Beckett, wondering why she accused _him_ of being the child when it appeared _she_ was dating one.

"You know-" Becket began, her voice rising slightly, her eyes narrowing at Josh's bent head.

"No, no, it's ok." Interrupting a fight he could see was brimming, Castle moved to the granite counter top, opening the double drawers below. He was more than surprised to see only men's toiletries. There wasn't even an extra toothbrush which had him questioning briefly if Beckett ever even stayed here? Shaking his head at the spark of hope that the thought provoked, he quickly pulled out the emergency kit and handed it to Josh.

"This will sting, Kate." Josh warned as he opened the kit, efficiently pulling out a few bandages, bandaids, latex gloves and a bottle of antiseptic. Kate rolled her eyes but pain hissed through her teeth when the antiseptic touched her open cuts.

His chest tightening at seeing his muse in pain, Castle moved to stand by her side. The temptation to rest a comforting hand on her tense shoulder was overwhelming and as he lifted his hand to do so, the brief, blunt glare from Josh stopped him short. His hand falling back down to his side, Castle decided to distract her, not to mention sidetrack his own his troubled thoughts.

"Beckett, any idea who might have done this?"

She shot a disbelieving glare at him. "Seriously, Castle?"

"Yes, seriously."

She shook her head _no_ before wincing again. Castle clenched a fist, ready to yell at Motorcycle Boy to take it easy. Was he _that_ ignorant in the _World of Beckett_ to not know that beneath her tough girl exterior she was truly _hurting, _her stubborn yet adorable pride was just preventing her from crying like any normal person would?

A few uneasy silent minutes later Josh finished with the antiseptic and, more gently this time, wrapped Beckett's left wrist in a bandage and stuck a couple of bandaid's here and there across her arms and one on a small gash above her eyebrow.

"You didn't inhale any smoke or lose consciousness?" He asked briskly, snapping off his gloves.

"No, I just had some ringing in my ears for a bit. I'm fine now."

Josh may have been gullible enough to believe her, but Castle sure as hell wasn't, and he had no intention of keeping his mouth shut either.

"She fazed in and out on the way here. And she was hurt chasing down a suspect before her apartment blew up. Check her stomach." Beckett shot him a withering glare this time that had his Adam's apple bobbing nervously.

Josh shook his head in disappointment before pushing back on her shoulder until she was leaning against the wall. He carefully lifted her dirty blouse to just above her navel and even Castle couldn't stop his wince at seeing the dark blue bruise forming. Josh probed her abdomen gently with the tips of his fingers. His eyes tracking upwards, Castle watched Beckett's face carefully as it scrunched in pain. That single _glimpse_ of her toned skin had had his heart beating a staccato he was sure could drive him to an early heart attack.

"I think it's just bruised." Josh said, smoothing her top back down.

"See, I said I was fine." This was shot back at Castle and he shrugged. She may be happy to pretend she was fine, but he wasn't about to sit around and watch her suffer in silence. Josh's confirmation that she was ok may not have bothered her, but it certainly eased Castle's troubled mind.

"Well, I leave for New Zealand in a couple of days. I guess this means you'll be staying here for a few weeks while I'm gone?" Josh murmured, leaning away from her and packing his kit back up. Beckett's eyes shot to Castle's as she stood and straightened her clothes.

"Castle, could you call Montgomery, let him know what's happened? CSU will need to go through my place."

Sensing the discomfort in Beckett's rigid stance, Castle nodded. He was surprised to hear Josh was leaving again; he'd been under the impression that the good doctor was going to be sticking around. Since Castle was so finely attuned to her emotions and behaviour, this new development may have explained the barely concealed distressed vibe he'd noticed in Beckett's demeanour the past few days.

"Yeah, of course." His unspoken _I'm here if you need me, just call out_, was acknowledged by her slight nod and flash of a small smile. Pulling out his cell, Castle quietly left the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

* * *

><p>Kate turned her attention to her boyfriend. There was no way she could live with him. Sure, when they had the <em>occasional <em>chance to get together, staying the night wasn't an issue. But living in Josh's apartment, by herself, until she found a new place felt too much like taking a giant leap forward in their struggling relationship and she just wasn't ready for that. She wasn't sure she would _ever_ be ready...at least not with Josh.

"Josh, I can't stay here." She wished she sounded less blunt, but it needed to be said, and from the subtle shift in his eyes she knew he understood what she _hadn't_ said. _This isn't working._

After a few moments of silent contemplation Josh placed the kit back under the sink and turned back to face her, leaning against the counter behind him.

"You've been pulling away, Kate. I can feel it. And it's because of that writer."

"This has nothing to do with him-" Kate protested out of reflex, though she knew it was futile.

"Yes, it _does._ Ever since you two almost froze to death you've been distant. I don't know what to do to make you happy!" Josh threw his hands up in frustration before bringing them down and pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes.

"I want you to be _here_. With _me._" Kate said softly, taking a step closer to him, knowing she was asking for more than he could give.

He ran a hand tiredly through his long hair and moved away. "You know I can't promise that. I want to, I do, but I can't. I thought that's why we worked."

"We did work, Josh, and it was great. But now...I need more." And she did. She needed someone to hold her when the sinister shadows appeared in her dreams and it was almost impossible to break free from their terrifying clutches. She wanted someone to talk about her day with and laugh about some prank Esposito had pulled. When she finally came home after a tough case she wanted someone there to listen to her troubles, to share a relaxing bath or movie or warm dinner with, not a _sorry babe, I'm on call tonight, I'll give you buzz when I'm free_ text message. She just needed _more_ than Josh could offer, regardless of how selfish that made her.

"Kate, c'mon, you're tired and in pain. Let's talk about this when we both won't say something we'll regret. I'll even sleep on the sofa until I leave if that makes you happy?"

Kate shifted wearily towards the bathroom door. If Josh knew her inside and out...hell, if she'd _given_ him half the chance to, he'd know the last thing she wanted was to sleep by herself. Alone. Where darkness and a dreadful, numbing cold seeped through her body and turned her dreams into nightmares. The rogue, traitorous thought that _Castle_ would know exactly what she wanted, just by looking into her eyes, had her knowing she was making the right decision. Her hand finally clutching the doorknob, she knew she needed to make her escape before the tears burning at the back of her eyes made their appearance.

"I'm not staying here, Josh."

He took a step towards her, reaching out futilely.

"Kate, so help me, if you say you're going to stay with that moron-"

Raising a hand, and both her eyebrows, Kate silenced him. "I don't know where you're going with that Josh, but I'm warning you, tread _very_ carefully."

Josh signed in defeat, his hand falling down to his side. "It's always been him, hasn't it? Even last summer, when he wasn't here, I could feel I was competing with a shadow. It'll always will be him, won't it?"

Kate's heart plummeted because she knew, somewhere inside, she _did_ love Josh, and he didn't deserve this. But Castle, pain in the ass that he was, unknowingly held a large part of her fragile heart. He had for quite some time. And until he relinquished his hold she could never fully, sincerely love anyone else. Castle was her partner, her best friend, her missing piece...and he would _always_ come first.

"This is goodbye, isn't it?"

He sounded so defeated, so Kate tentatively pulled him into a tender hug. "I'm sorry." She whispered against his neck. After a few moments he squeezed her back before gently pushing her away and cupping her cheeks.

"Yeah, so am I, Kate. Just be happy, ok?"

She nodded, unable to articulate anything remotely normal sounding. She moved away and opened the bathroom door, half expecting to see Castle with his ear pressed against it. He wasn't there, but she could hear him on his cell from down the hall and guessing from the hushed_ sweetie, don't worry, she'll be ok after a little TLC, _she assumed he was speaking to Alexis.

"I'll just grab my stuff." She said quietly to Josh, who only nodded and turned away from her. With a tired sigh she made her way into his bedroom and placed her few pieces of clothing into a duffle bag. For the second time in as many years all her belongings fit into one bag. The miserable thought that she'd have to start over _again_ had her head throbbing with exhaustion and tears blurring her vision.

"Beckett?"

Coughing in a vain attempt to clear her blocked throat, Beckett swung her bag over her shoulder and made her way down the hall to where Castle was waiting timidly by the front door.

"I'm ready to go." She murmured, glancing back at the bathroom, not surprised to see no sign of Josh.

* * *

><p>Castle didn't need to be a scholar in the School of Beckett Facial Expressions to know she was about to break. Gently taking the bag from her, he opened Josh's front door.<p>

"You go wait in the car. I'll be right behind."

Obviously too drained to argue, Beckett made her way towards the elevators. Once she was safely inside the metal box, Castle went back into the apartment in search of the doctor.

"Josh?" He called out, and when he received no response, he made his way back to the bathroom.

Josh was still there, sitting on the edge of the bath tub. The obvious hurt on his face had Castle feeling unexpectedly guilty, though he wasn't quite sure _why._

"If you're still worried wake her every hour to make sure she hasn't got a concussion. And if she develops a cough or starts to have trouble breathing take her to a hospital immediately, ok?"

Castle nodded before realising Josh wasn't looking at him but at the floor. "Of course." After a few moments of silence he turned to leave, but was stopped.

"Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"Take care of her. You're the only one she'll allow."

When Josh finally looked up at him, Castle nodded once with an unspoken promise, before quietly leaving the apartment.

A few minutes later he found Beckett waiting in the passenger seat of her car, knees pressed tightly to her chest. The mere fact that she had, without argument, placed herself in that seat was a clear indication that she wasn't _Beckett._ Once he'd put her bag in the trunk and seated himself in the driver's seat he turned to her, draping his coat across her shivering form before pulling away.

"So, I'm positive you could do much better, but how do you feel about staying at Casa del Castle?"

She chuckled lightly at his attempt to lighten the mood. They were both well aware that his loft really was the only place she could stay. Ryan and Jenny were newly engaged and Lanie and Esposito had just signed a joint lease on a new apartment. He knew Beckett didn't want to intrude on either couple.

"I dunno, Castle. What if I wanted to walk around in my underwear?" She taunted him, the familiar comfort of doing so more bearable than stark reality, before resting her head against the window and flicking a smirk his way. His mouth opened and closed a few times like a fish.

"Well...uh...um...as much as _I_ would love that, I don't think my daughter would appreciate it." He managed to stutter out, his lips pouting.

"Your loss."

Castle was silent for a few seconds, watching as the glow from the streetlights cast shadows across her face. Even covered in bandaids she was still stunningly beautiful. And, if the past half an hour was any indication, she was also single. But he'd dwell (and maybe do a happy dance) on that later. For now, his detective needed his support. Not only had she lost her home and possessions, she'd lost her boyfriend, a man she clearly loved in some way. As best friend it was up to him to be her rock.

"Mi casa es su casa. You know that, Kate."

When she only nodded in response, Castle started the car and headed towards his loft, every now and then glancing across to make sure she was ok. He had so many questions, mostly to do with Josh, but he bit his tongue in an effort to keep them at bay. The last thing she needed was him irritating her by being snoopy. Nevertheless, like most of the time between them, she easily read what was on his mind.

"It hadn't been working for a while. Josh and I." She answered his unasked question, her hands making their way from under his coat to rest against her raised knees.

"You didn't tell me he was going away again." Castle knew he sounded slightly accusing but they were partners and partners didn't keep secrets. Unless they were his, and were something along the lines of _I love you. _He waited for her snappish retort that that's because it was her personal business, but it never came.

"It didn't really matter." She tried to sound indifferent, but Castle knew she was lying. He'd spent the last three years learning and distinguishing every nuance of this woman's expressions, tones and body language. There wasn't a whole lot she could slip past him these days.

"Beckett, it _was_ important and you _know_ you can tell me anything. Even if it's that Dr Motorcycle Boy thinks I'm a moron. And, before you hit me, I _wasn't _eavesdropping, he was just talking loudly. But that's all I heard, I promise." He waited for the sting of a slap against his arm but instead she chuckled.

"Nobody gets to call you names but me." She murmured. There was just the tiniest hint of possessiveness clouding her voice and it had Castle biting his cheek in a vain effort not to grin gleefully.

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, detective."

She smiled before turning her attention back to the buildings of New York whizzing by. Cautiously, unable to make out what her reaction would be, Castle reached across and gave her fingers a soft squeeze. She returned the comforting gesture and he went to withdraw his hand, sure that he'd already pushed their invisible boundaries, but she _tightened_ her grip. After a few tense seconds, where he was certain the _thump thump thump_ of his heartbeat could be heard through the car, her fingers hesitantly entwined with his. As she moved their joined hands to rest between her knees and her stomach, he gulped in a mouthful of astounded air.

When Castle dared to glance across at her again a few minutes later his mind was still spinning deliriously and his heart was doing a feisty tango against his ribcage. The corners of her lips were curved upwards. Within a few hours Beckett had been rendered homeless, boyfriend-less and injured. But she was with him, alive, _holding his hand_, and she was smiling. A tired smile, but a smile nonetheless. Castle couldn't ask for anything more.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Thank you to everyone for your lovely reviews and alerts! I hope you liked this chapter! A review would make my day =)_


	3. Chapter 3

_You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back_

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><p><em>Chapter 3<em>

_Previously:_

"_Well, my place was blown up and I'm homeless. Again. Castle's letting me crash here until I find somewhere, if that's ok with you guys? I hate to impose but-"_

_Martha 'tsked' in interruption. "Darling, you are more than welcome to stay, you know that."_

"_Yeah, and it's always more fun ganging up on dad when you're here!" Alexis added, laughing when her dad wrapped an arm around her neck and noogied her on the head._

_Taking the bag from Beckett and pushing it into her son's stomach, Martha placed her arm around the detective's shoulder and led her towards the stairs. Beckett shot a wry smile over shoulder at Castle._

"_Feels a lot like déjà vu, huh?"_

_Castle watched, Alexis pressed against his side, as his mother led Beckett upstairs to one of their guest bedrooms._

_He wasn't going to challenge her statement that this was déjà vu. In the end she'd realise it was fate._

After Martha had shown her to the guest bedroom, the same one she'd occupied the last time her place had been blown up, Beckett flopped onto the sinfully comfortable bed and closed her eyes. She could sleep for a week, a month even, and hopefully when she woke up all her problems would have been sorted. She'd have a new apartment, her heart wouldn't ache over the disintegration of her relationship with Josh and they'd have caught the son-of-a-bitch who had destroyed her home.

A tentative knock on the partially open bedroom door had her sluggishly sitting up and straightening out her messy hair.

"Come in."

"Are you naked?"

Beckett rolled her eyes at the jovial hope in Castle's voice. "Yeah, Castle, I'm naked."

She half expected the door to burst open and reveal an excited Castle. Instead there was silence.

"Seriously?"

She snorted at the high pitch in his voice and reluctantly moved from the bed. She opened the door and faced her shadow. The dark smudges under his eyes were probably reflected under hers, though he'd slapped his hands across his eyes when he saw her so she only got a glance.

"Castle, I'm not naked."

One finger moved and she saw a glimpse of blue through his other fingers. After a few moments he removed his hands and grinned impishly.

"Shouldn't tease a man like that, Beckett. It's not fair."

"You'll live."

He smiled, the familiar creases in his cheeks easing her stress levels slightly.

"Anyway, I forgot to tell you in the car that Montgomery wants you to call him. I thought maybe you could do that and I'll run a bath for you? As gorgeous as you look, I don't think dirt and mud is at the height of fashion these days."

Beckett glanced down at herself, grinding her teeth at her ruined outfit. A bath sounded like heaven. With a good book. And candles. And a bottle of wine.

"A bath sounds nice, thanks Castle. Could I borrow your cell? Mine's dead and my charger is...well, probably a pile of dust." She'd forgo the wine for now. Once Lanie got wind of her break-up she'd without doubt drag her to some hip club and encourage the flow of alcohol anyway.

"Yeah, here. Come down when you're ready." He handed her his iPhone and she unlocked it, smirking when he raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Castle, I know your password." He was such an easy target too, it was either the same pin number for everything or the same word and it had only taken a few weeks of knowing the writer for her to figure them out. And, after three years, they were _still_ the same. She really should give him a lecture at some point about the security benefits of regularly changing pins and passwords.

With a childish bounce in his step, Castle moved down the hall, calling out over his shoulder. "I'll run the bath in my bathroom; the tub is a lot larger than Alexis'. Do you have pyjamas in your bag?"

Beckett glanced back at the small duffle on the bed and shook her head. "No, it's just a change of work clothes and jeans."

She didn't miss the mischievous glint in his eyes as he turned and began walking backwards down the stairs. "Guess that means you'll have to wear something of mine, huh?"

She didn't really have anything to rebut that. Alexis was too short and she didn't really want to think about what Martha might have. Rolling her eyes, Beckett poked her tongue out and firmly shut the bedroom door on his smirking face, partly wishing he'd trip and fall down the damn stairs. Maybe then he wouldn't be such a smart ass.

* * *

><p>After her phone call with Captain Montgomery Beckett made her way downstairs and into Castle's study. She called out his name softly since the rest of the loft was silent. Alexis and Martha were upstairs and she didn't want to disturb them anymore than her presence already had.<p>

When there was no reply from the writer, Beckett tentatively entered unfamiliar territory. Castle's bedroom. She'd never been in his room before and she took a deep breath. It smelled like him and she refused to acknowledge that the familiar scent loosened the knot in her neck and the ache in her chest. Hearing running water, she followed the sound, taking in the large space as she went. Her eyes found the unmade bed and her heart missed a beat, a tingle of excitement running up her spine. Castle's bed. It looked heavenly and inviting and it took all her willpower to keep her feet moving forward instead of collapsing in a tired heap on the puffy navy blue comforter.

With a sigh, she walked into the bathroom and stopped dead.

"Oh."

The lights had been dimmed and candles were spread out over the counter top surfaces and along the edge of the raised bath tub...more like swimming pool. Shadows flickered invitingly against the tiled walls and Beckett cautiously stepped further into the little slice of heaven Castle had created. There were two deep red plush towels placed by the step leading up towards the bath, resting on top was the tale of Derrick Storm's first adventure, a pink toothbrush and bottles of shampoo and condition and moisturiser. Beckett closed her eyes, trying to calm her erratic heart.

"Hey, I thought maybe a glass of red would- Beckett, are you ok?"

Castle came into the bathroom, one glass of red wine in his hand, and faltered at seeing her, the woman whose emotions were always carefully barricaded, looking as though she were about to burst into tears. He quickly placed the wine by the towels and moved to stand in front of her, resting his hands gently on her shoulders.

"Kate, are you ok? Are you in pain?"

His concern and worry, the way he said her name, were almost Beckett's undoing. The stark reality that he had known exactly what she wanted..._needed_...without having to ask or be told, made her gut clench. Sure, it was just a _bath_ with some candles and a book and good wine, but the simple gesture meant more than Castle would ever know. Especially since she knew he wasn't trying to woo her, that it was just Castle being incredibly thoughtful and kind, which made it all the more special.

"I'm fine, Castle. Thank you."

His hands dropped away from her shoulders and she immediately missed the warm contact, though he stayed standing in her personal space, his breath warm against her cheeks.

"Alexis thought you might like pizza for dinner?" He murmured, and she was surprised to find she enjoyed that without her mammoth heels she had to tilt her head up to make eye-contact.

"Using your daughter, Castle? Really? Way to guilt trip me."

His grin was endearing. "Just being a good partner, Beckett."

_Partner. _It still made goosebumps quiver along her spine. Of its own violation, her body moved forward and seconds later she felt her traitorous lips press against the corner of his mouth. The shock of what she'd just done held her immobile against him for seconds that felt like hours, before her mind caught up with her actions and she released a tiny breath, slowly stepping away from him. He was still and silent and almost appeared to be holding his breath.

"Thank you, Castle. For this. For everything."

She motioned with one hand to the candles and the book, the other reaching down to give his wrist a gentle squeeze. _Thank you_ didn't seem to be enough for all he'd done, but unlike him, she wasn't a mastermind when it came to words.

Castle unfroze, his lips still tingling from her kiss, and before she could pull away and he could chicken out, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and crushed her body against his.

She'd almost died today. The fourth time in just over a month. He didn't care if she threatened bodily harm, he just needed to hold her, feel that she was alive and breathing. When she didn't pull away, he tightened his grip briefly before placing a lingering kiss on her forehead. Reluctantly he released her, letting the tips of his fingers trail down her arms until he absolutely had to let go.

"I'll order pizza, give you an hour?"

She gave a tiny nod and he grudgingly stepped away, leaving the bathroom and slowly closing the door behind him. He rested his head against the hardwood, taking deep breaths to try and calm his erratic heart. The things Kate Beckett did to him.

* * *

><p>An hour later, feeling slightly more refreshed, though bone weary, Beckett made her way into the Castle kitchen. It terrified her how much it <em>didn't<em> terrify her to be walking around barefoot, wearing one of Castle's large sweatshirts and a pair of his baggy sweats. She smiled shyly as she passed Martha, who was reading a Vanity Fair magazine on the leather sofa, and made her way over to Alexis, who was sitting on one of the bar stools, text books and papers spread along the kitchen counter top. Peeking over the redhead's shoulder, Beckett's eyes widened in surprise at the difficult level of her science homework. It almost looked to be college level.

"Detective Beckett, are you feeling better?"

Sensing the unfamiliar presence beside her, Alexis turned to the detective and gave her a small, almost _forced_ smile.

"Much. I'm starving though. And please call me Kate."

Startling herself, and probably Alexis, Beckett gave the girl a one armed hug before sitting on the stool beside her.

"You're just in time. Dad's paying the pizza guy now."

The words had barely left Alexis' mouth before the cheesy scent of pizza wafted through the loft, closely followed by Castle's footsteps.

"Hey, Beckett! Perfect timing. Pizza's here!"

Alexis quickly moved her homework to one side and Castle placed the pizza box down, opening the cardboard lid to reveal a large doughy pizza covered in gooey cheese, melted pepperoni and slathered with tomato sauce. Beckett heard her stomach rumble in appreciation which earned a smirk from Castle.

"Pumpkin, grab some napkins for us. Beckett, what can I get you to drink? More wine? Or we've got beer, juice, soda, vitamin water?"

"Coffee?" She asked hopefully.

Castle shook his head no. "Sorry, detective. No coffee. You're exhausted."

Beckett pouted in annoyance, but knew he was right. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and if it weren't for her serious hunger pains she would have crashed already.

"Water is fine." She acquiesced, thanking Alexis as the young girl handed her a napkin and sat back down. Martha wandered over and took the remaining stool on Beckett's right as Castle poured water for them.

"Ok, ladies. Dig in."

Leaning against the counter on the opposite side to them, Castle waited until they'd each taken a slice before taking one himself. Beckett, trying not to appear piggish, wolfed down her piece, only reaching for a second when Alexis did the same. Within minutes the pizza had disappeared and Beckett wiped her mouth clean, her belly satisfyingly full.

"Thank you, Castle. I'll give you-"

Castle raised a hand, silencing her offer before he even knew what it was. "No you won't."

As he began to clean up, Martha bid them goodnight and went upstairs. Alexis, unusually quiet, collected her textbooks and papers.

"Night dad, night Kate."

Castle turned to say goodnight, but his daughter had disappeared upstairs and he was left with his mouth hanging. Beckett turned to him, her gut clenching anxiously.

"Is she ok?"

Castle's _she's fine_ was a blatant lie and Beckett felt like she was missing something. Alexis was definitely not _fine_ and it was obvious Castle knew what was wrong; otherwise he'd be all over his daughter trying to find out why she was so subdued. But, Beckett wasn't part of the Castle family so she had no right to pry...that wasn't going to stop her from worrying though. She liked Alexis.

"Did you enjoy the bath?"

Snapping out of her wandering thoughts, Beckett turned back to Castle and nodded.

"Yes. Thank you, Castle. You-"

Once again he cut her off. "Stop thanking me, Kate. You know I'd do anything for you. And it was just a bath. Nothing special."

If only he knew how much it really meant to her.

"And hey, look at you in my clothes. They look much better on you than me!"

Beckett glanced down at the oversized clothes and gave a lopsided smile. They smelt deliciously like Castle, which was comforting and familiar and eased the pressure in her chest slightly.

"I'll need to call the insurance company tomorrow and Montgomery wants me to come in first thing, give a statement. Then I'll do a quick bit of shopping."

There was so much to do. Just thinking about it was tiring and Beckett slumped forward in her seat, pressing her palms to her eyes in frustration. Seconds later she felt a strong pair of hands rest on her shoulders, kneading gently.

"I have a plan. We'll have breakfast, go to the precinct and while you talk to Montgomery I'll call your insurance company. Then, we'll have some lunch and go get you some new clothes and whatever else you need. Maybe we could throw in a movie and dinner as well?"

Beckett wasn't used to having people taking care of her, _helping_ her. Not that they didn't try, she was just too independent to let them. But Castle was different, had _always_ been different. And after all he'd done for her she could hardly say no. More importantly, she didn't _want_ to say no. His presence was reassuring when everything else in her life was spiralling out of control.

"Sounds good, Castle."

He obviously hadn't expected her to agree, his momentary silence evidence of his surprise.

"Alright then. Time for bed." He gave her shoulders a brief squeeze, and her heart stuttered when she felt him press a kiss against her hair. She should _not_ be having these fuzzy feelings for Castle just hours after breaking up with Josh.

"C'mon, Beckett, let me escort you to your room."

She chuckled lightly, allowing him to pull her off the stool and walk her upstairs to the guest bedroom. She stepped through the doorway before turning back around; smiling at how adorable he looked with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his hair flopping over one eye.

"Night, Castle."

He nodded in response and she closed the door quietly, listening as his footsteps faded away. Once she was sure he'd disappeared, she slid down the door, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head against them. The events of the day had finally caught up with her. She'd lost her home, her possessions and her boyfriend within a few hours. Alexis' distant behaviour was worrying since it seemed aimed at her.

Most distressing, though, was that her carefully constructed barriers against feelings buried _deep_ down for Richard Castle were beginning to emerge, and at a rapid pace she couldn't quite keep up with.

Curling her hands into fists, Beckett took a deep breath, blinking back the tears she refused to let fall. So, today had been a bad day, there was nothing she could about it now. Tomorrow would be trying and difficult, but she'd have her best friend, her _partner _by her side. With his witty, charmingly annoying presence keeping her head above water, she knew everything would be ok.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_I hope you like the latest _instalment_, guys. Review? You've been so wonderful and amazing and encouraging, thank you!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. _

_When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable._

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 4<em>

Beckett wasn't surprised when she woke at some ungodly hour before the sun had even risen, covered in a thin layer of sweat and struggling to breathe. Nightmares were more frequent these days. The amount of money she spent on concealer attested to that. With a frown she noticed the bedside lamp had been switched off at some point during the night, and it definitely hadn't been her. Lately, sleeping in complete darkness only heightened her nightmares and made it more difficult to come out of them. Having a bedside lamp on, or even the glow from a TV, stopped her from falling into too deep a sleep. Had Castle come into her room and turned off the light? The man clearly had no boundaries. With a sigh, knowing she wouldn't get back to sleep, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and rolled her shoulders. The force from the explosion was making itself known; her body ached all over after being flung into a wall. As silently as she could, she made her way into the bathroom that was between her and Alexis' room, splashing water on her face and grimacing at the darkening bruise on her forehead. Not wanting to rummage through Alexis' belongings, she made a mental note to ask the younger girl (at a more decent hour) if she had any makeup. A small thud from the next room startled Beckett from picking at the bandage on her arm and she tiptoed over to press her ear against the door to Alexis' room. After a few moments there was a whimper and Beckett's stomach clenched. Was Alexis having a nightmare? She waited a few more seconds, expecting to hear Castle's footsteps coming up the stairs. Surely he'd heard the crash? When he didn't appear, Beckett was torn. She could still hear Alexis' soft cries. Did she wake Castle to come and comfort his daughter? When there was another, more distressed cry, Beckett stopped hesitating and quickly opened the door to Alexis' room. Thanks to the glow of the city lights from the window Beckett could see that the poor girl was smothered in her own blankets, the material constricted around her body.

"Alexis?"

Coming further into the room, Beckett hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed and touched the redheads shoulder. Her skin was clammy, her hair plastered to her forehead.

"Lex, honey, wake up."

When the girl only whimpered again, Beckett gently shook her shoulder. With a hoarse cry, Alexis' eyes flew open and she sat up, her breathing choppy and uneven. Her eyes darted around her bedroom until they settled on Beckett.

"Lex, it's Kate."

Alexis flinched and shifted away from the detective's hand. Beckett's heart sank. She should have woken Castle. She had no right to be here.

"I'm sorry, Lex. I'll get your Dad." She knew her voice sounded husky, but Alexis' detachment hurt. Even though they really hadn't spent much time together, Castle's constant proud chatter or worried ramblings about his daughter made Beckett feel like she was a much larger part of Alexis' life than she actually was. It was times like these that were a blunt reminder that she was _not_ part of the Castle family.

"No. Please, stay." Alexis hiccupped and rubbed the tears from her cheeks. With a small smile, Beckett untangled the blankets from the girls legs and straightened them out, tucking them around Alexis' shoulders as she settled back against her pillows, her red hair fanning out around her head. Once she was settled Alexis patted the spot beside her, and without hesitating Beckett settled down on her side, propping her head on one elbow and watching as the young girl reigned in her emotions.

They were silent, aside from Alexis' sniffling, and the guilty weight became too much for Beckett.

"I'm sorry, Lex." Beckett murmured, using her hand to stroke the dampened hair from the girl's forehead. It was something she remembered her mother had done for her when she'd been sick or upset, and the maternal action came naturally without conscious thought.

"You don't know why you're apologising, do you?" Alexis asked, her breathing evening out as the soothing motion of Beckett's hand calmed her down.

Alexis was right, Beckett didn't know _why_, but she knew it had something to do with her...and without doubt that it was also to do with Castle. If Alexis was having nightmares about her father being injured while following Beckett...then that was a deal breaker. She'd never allow Castle to continue shadowing her. Beckett was intimately familiar with the agony nightmares caused or the devastation of losing a parent; the last thing she would ever want was for Alexis to suffer from either. That, and the knowledge that Alexis could lose a parent, her _only_ parent, was even more conviction that maybe it was time for Castle to concentrate on his most important job, being Alexis' father. Beckett would _never_ forgive herself if something happened to Castle and Alexis was left without her Daddy.

"I have nightmares sometimes. About my Dad."

Beckett felt her stomach sink. "I'm so sorry, Lex."

Alexis gave her a strange look and Beckett was once again under the impression that she was missing something.

"When you were in the bath earlier I found Dad in his study...he was...shaken."

Beckett's hand stilled against Alexis' hair and her throat tightened.

"He was really upset, Kate. I know that you guys are playing this denial game, but he cares about you, _a lot._ And so do I."

Alexis' cheeks flushed slightly as she continued. "My nightmares...you're probably assuming they're about my Dad getting hurt while shadowing you, except I've never had one like that. In them _you're _the one getting hurt...and losing you? It breaks my Dad. He loves you, Kate. You may not be ready to see it, or want to, but he does. And my nightmares centre around the broken shell my Dad would be if anything ever happened to you."

_He loves you, Kate._ The words almost echoed those from Jordan Shaw just over a year ago. The irony wasn't lost on Beckett that the circumstances were almost identical.

"I'm sorry to dump all this on you, you're probably stressed enough as it is. But you need to know that my Dad isn't the only one who cares about you. I do, Gram's does. You're our family, Kate."

Beckett felt her carefully kept at bay tears slip past her defences and track down her cheeks.

Alexis admired Kate, she was the perfect role model and Alexis didn't have many of those in her life. But watching the usually tough headed detective cry silently made Alexis love her that much more. She may have overstepped, possibly even scared Kate with her comments about her dad's feelings for the detective, but someone had to make the two of them see sense before another Schlemming or Gina or Motorcycle Boy came into the picture. Alexis wasn't going to let the two of them waste any more time dancing around their feelings for each other.

* * *

><p>Castle <em>almost<em> panicked when he knocked on Beckett's bedroom door the next morning only to have no response. When he threatened to come in, in the hopes of seeing her naked, and received no warning for him to stay out, he barged through the door in alarm. Her bed was empty, the covers scattered in every direction. The bathroom door was open so he went in tentatively, but she wasn't in there. The adjoining door to Alexis' room was also open so he peeked his head in. The sight that greeted his eyes had his heart warming. His muse was curled into a ball on her right side, his daughter snuggled up against her back, an arm thrown over her waist. He crept closer and kneeled by Beckett's side. Her face was pale, the bruise on her forehead shining spectacularly. He whispered her name and her eyelids fluttered but remained shut. Taking a chance, and not able to resist, he traced his thumb along her jaw line softly. She mumbled something and pressed her face against his hand. With a slight chuckle, he pressed a daring kiss to her forehead and when that failed to rouse her he traced his lips across her eyelids to the tip of her nose. Her eyes blinked open in surprise and confusion and he quickly leant away, wary of the repercussions his unauthorised touching may invoke. But surprising him, she only yawned and blinked a few more times, glancing over her shoulder to see that Alexis was still curled against her. Confident that she wasn't going to hurt him, Castle let his hand rest on her hip, rubbing circles with his thumb.

"Morning." Beckett whispered, content to stay exactly where she was. There wasn't anything quite like waking up to Richard Castle's blue eyes staring down at you and his caressing fingers sending tingles to your toes.

"Morning, KB. If I had known you didn't want to sleep in your bed I would have suggested you share mine."

Instead of swatting him or smirking, her expression turned serious. "Alexis had a nightmare."

Castle nodded cautiously. He was well aware of his daughter's nightmares and what they consisted of. Judging by the anxiety in Beckett's eyes, it was apparent she now knew too.

"Your daughter is having nightmares because of _me_, Rick. I can't live with that."

She'd called him _Rick,_ which meant this was serious and he had to tread very carefully. It also meant he could call her _Kate_.

"It's only because she cares about you, Kate. We all do." Of course, that was a lie. His family more than _cared_ for Beckett, they _loved_ her.

"She said you were upset...why didn't you tell me?"

Castle gave a derisive snort and a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "What was I supposed to say, Kate? In the past month you've almost died half a dozen times. You don't think that upsets me? That every day I'm not by your side I don't constantly worry like crazy that something might happen to you?"

"Castle-"

"You're my _partner_."

Her jaw snapped shut like he was hoping it would. How could she object that? He was her partner, therefore he was entitled to worry and be upset. Chewing her lip, she changed tactics.

"I know that Alexis' wellbeing is none of my business-"

"Of course it is."

"Castle, _stop_ interrupting me. I just think that, if it's ok with you and I'm not overstepping, her and I should talk about this. About her nightmares...since I'm more than familiar with them myself."

This time his smile was genuine and he squeezed her hip gently. Beckett's concern for his daughter never ceased to amaze him.

"Of course you can. I think she'd like that."

Castle watched in amusement as she closed her eyes and yawned again. After a few moments he moved his hand from her hip to cup her cheek, her eyes immediately flying open in surprise.

"Kate, if you ever need someone to talk to about _your_ nightmares, just remember I'm here. Always."

She moved her own hand to rest against his, squeezing his wrist gently. "I know."

* * *

><p>After Castle left her in Alexis' bed, promising to return with coffee, Beckett took a moment to assess just how sore her body was. All things considered, her injuries didn't seem to be too bad. Her wrist hurt, but thankfully it wasn't her writing one, her back, stomach and ribs ached a little, but nothing a few more hot baths wouldn't ease. She touched a hand to the throbbing egg on her forehead and winced.<p>

"That looks painful."

Startled, Beckett looked over her shoulder and saw that Alexis was awake and watching her shyly. Beckett sent a wry, reassuring smile at the redheaded teen.

"It's not so bad. But I was hoping maybe you'd have some makeup I could borrow?"

Alexis yawned, stretched like a cat and then moved from her bed, padding barefoot across her room to her handbag, pulling out a small cosmetics kit. "Come in the bathroom, the light is better. I'll do it for you."

Beckett smiled and followed the teenager. She could imagine this is what having a little or older sister would have been like. Obeying Alexis' pointed finger, Beckett sat on the toilet seat lid and Alexis cupped her chin lightly with one hand, tilting her head upwards.

"A few years ago, while trying to figure the best way to get Derrick Storm out of a nasty situation, Dad fell down a flight of stairs and bruised his eye and split his lip. He was supposed to be at a book signing the next day so I had to cake his face with concealer. It wasn't the first or last time it happened, so I'm a pro at covering bruises."

Beckett chuckled, not at all surprised by Alexis' story. She closed her eyes, enjoying the gentle touch as the redhead expertly covered up the bruise. A few minutes later Alexis stepped back and nodded approvingly.

"My talent amazes me. You can't even tell there's an egg on your forehead."

Beckett moved to look in the large mirror and smiled. "You're the best, Lex, thank you. I'm going to do some shopping this afternoon; I'll buy you some concealer to replace what you used."

Alexis packed her makeup kit back up. "Don't be ridiculous. But, if you're going shopping, can I come? I mean, if you want to go on your own that's cool, I just thought-"

Beckett silenced her with a raised eyebrow. "Alexis, of course you can come. Don't you have school though?"

"No, not today. Are you sure?"

Beckett smiled and pulled the girl into a quick hug. "Very sure. Maybe we could make it a girl's trip? Leave your old man at home?"

"That'd be great. I actually have a few things I want to get your opinion on if that's ok?"

Beckett nodded encouragingly. She also had a few things she needed to discuss with the teen.

"Absolutely. I'll be at the precinct for a few hours, so say I pick you up from here at about one?"

Alexis nodded and yanked Beckett back into a quick hug. "Awesome. Thanks Kate, you're the best."

Beckett watched as the girl bounced happily back into her bedroom, and the knot in her stomach eased slightly.

* * *

><p>Beckett strode into the precinct an hour later, annoyed at the sympathetic looks the other cops gave her. She didn't want or need their sympathy. She wanted to catch the bastard who had blown up her apartment. Scowling, she yanked the cheap coat she had purchased on the way to the precinct off as she arrived at her desk. Heavy hands stopped her rough movements and the coat was gently removed from her shoulders.<p>

"I'll make you a coffee, ok?" Standing behind her, Castle gave her shoulders a reassuring squeeze as he took the material from her.

"Thanks."

She took a deep breath, watching as he walked into the break room, before going over to the Captain's office and knocking on the closed door.

"Beckett, how you doin', girl?"

Oddly, Esposito opened the door and ushered Beckett inside. The Captain was sitting behind his desk, Ryan on the leather sofa. Beckett remained standing and smiled at Esposito. The concern on his and his partners was face touching. They were like her older protective brothers and younger childish brothers all rolled into one.

"I'm good. So, what can you tell me?"

Beckett wasn't one for beating around the bush. She wanted facts and details, and she wanted them now. Captain Montgomery spoke first, standing and moving to the front of his desk, leaning one hip against it.

"Before we get to your apartment, the case you were working on yesterday has been closed. The guys caught your runner and he confessed. Castle told me what happened, so he's also been charged with assaulting a police officer."

Beckett rolled her eyes. Trust Castle to blab. The man's ears must have been burning because there was another knock on the Captain's door and it opened to reveal Castle holding one cup of coffee. He came in, nodding hello to the guys before handing her the mug. The soothing smell had her tastebuds tingling with desire.

"Thanks, Castle."

Instead of sitting beside Ryan, Castle took a step closer to her than he usually would, their shoulders brushing. She didn't miss the suspicious glance shared between her two boys, but rather than fuel the fire by stepping away and looking guilty, she stayed where she was and focused back on her boss.

"My apartment?"

"So far we've learnt it wasn't targeted specifically at you. Do you remember Detective's Marshall and Stewart?"

Beckett nodded slowly, coldness spreading through her body. Surely this wasn't coming back to haunt her all these years later?

"There was an explosion at Detective Marshall's house in Brooklyn just a few hours before yours. Detective Stewart's car exploded early this morning."

"Are they ok?"

Captain Montgomery's nod had Beckett's concern easing slightly. Both men had young families.

"Marshall is still in hospital, but he'll be ok. CSU is processing all three of the scenes, but so far nothing has turned up."

"Sir, we both know who did this." Beckett interrupted, fisting one hand on her hip.

"Yes, we do. But there's no evidence to prove that, Beckett. Until we have something solid, there's nothing we can do. And until that time, I don't want to see you here."

"Say _what_?"

"Don't try and argue with me, Detective. There'll be a tail on you at all times until this case is closed. You've had a hell of a month, Kate, take a few days off. And that _is_ an order."

* * *

><p>Castle watched as Beckett stalked back over to her desk, a plastic bag in one hand. She sat dejectedly in her seat and let the bag fall to the ground before resting her elbows on the desk and burying her head in her hands, wincing slightly from the pressure on her wrist. Castle took a quick peek in the bag, his stomach falling at the sight of melted photos and blackened jewellery. Ryan and Esposito had said there was barely anything left in her apartment that hadn't turned to ash, but Castle had hoped there'd be more that what was in the bag. Deciding that now wasn't the best time to ask questions, Castle stayed in his seat and watched her silently. After a few minutes she took a deep breath and sat up straight, her eyes a little too bright and her cheeks red.<p>

"About five years ago Detective's Simon Marshall, Tony Stewart and I were put on a team, though back then I had only been a Detective for a few months. We were all from different precincts but had unknowingly been working on murders committed by the same person. Eventually we realised this and collaborated. I went undercover, they had my back. Turns out it wasn't a _person_, more a whole gang_._ The case grew and grew and I went deeper and deeper. You might have even heard about it...the _Soulio_ case?"

Castle's eyes widened and he nodded. He remembered hearing about the case on the news, the gruesome murders and how the gang responsible had finally been caught and then faced trial, but in the process people working on the case were suspiciously injured and were sent threatening letters, one cop had even been-

"You were_ shot?"_

Oh, yes, he clearly remembered the part about the undercover female cop who had been shot during the takedown.

"Yeah, that was me. Anyway-"

"What do you mean _anyway_? Kate, that was...this _is_ a big deal. Those guys are malicious criminals and now they're back, looking for what? Revenge?"

Beckett rolled her eyes and Castle's anger spiked. How could she not be taking this seriously?

"Castle, it wasn't the first time I'd been shot and I've been grazed by a bullet since then. With the way my life is going right now, I wouldn't be surprised if I took another sometime soon."

Castle felt his heart sink to the floor. Why was she talking like this? Ignoring the fact that they were in the middle of the busy precinct, he reached across and took her hand, refusing to let go when she tried to pull away.

"Don't you _ever_ talk like that again, Kate."

She shrugged, but must have sensed how serious he was because her hand relaxed and she let his fingers dance along her knuckles.

"Those guys are all still in jail which is why this is baffling. Why now? And surely if they were trying to kill us they would have succeeded? And if they're still locked up, who is doing their dirty work?"

She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before pulling away, grabbing a marker as she moved to the whiteboard and began writing. A not so subtle cough drew her attention away from the board a few minutes later.

"Detective Beckett, don't make me escort you out of this building."

Beckett rocked back on her heels and snapped the lid on the marker before turning to her boss. Castle could see from the tick in her jaw she was gearing up for a fight.

"Captain, I'm fine. This was targeted at me; I need to be on this."

Captain Montgomery shook his head, picking up her coat and pushing it into Castle's chest.

"Beckett, you look like you're about to fall down. You're exhausted. Take a few days. If anything new comes up you'll be the first I call."

Beckett opened her mouth to argue, but rather than give her the chance, Montgomery spun on his heel and walked away. Grinding her teeth, she instead focused her glare on Castle who raised his hands defensively.

"I said nothing, I swear."

She let out a long, calming breath, her eyes scrutinizing every inch of his face until he was sure she seemed satisfied that he hadn't ratted her out. He _hadn't_, but anyone could tell just by looking at her pale face and the dark rings under her eyes that she needed a break.

"Fine. Let's go. You owe me lunch and I promised Lex she could come shopping with me."

Sagging in relief, Castle helped her put her coat on, and then waited as she grabbed her cell and the plastic bag. With his hand resting low on her back, he led them towards the elevator.

"There's this amazing little cafe down on Lexington, we should get lunch there."

He felt her body vibrate with amusement at the way too excited tone he used, and he was silently glad to be able to lift her mood so easily.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_So I'm venturing a little into trying to write a bit of the case into the story. I can't promise it'll be any good! _

_Make a girl's Friday even better, review?_


	5. Chapter 5

_You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul_

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><p><em>Chapter 5<em>

Kate's first shopping trip with Alexis Castle was something she would always treasure. Kate generally didn't mind clothes and shoes shopping, browsing through the glossy bright stores and trying on things she would occasionally buy. She was a woman, proud of it, and enjoyed nothing more than finding the perfect figure enhancing work blouse or toe killing pair of pumps. She didn't mind spending her money on savvy suits for work, she was a female in a male dominated environment and she'd earnt her respect the way every other cop had. So, she splurged every now and then, if only to enjoy the slack jawed look on a certain writer's face. But usually she was by herself, or with Lanie tagging along describing the latest juicy details of her private life, which Kate regularly tuned out. She did _not_ need to know how wonderful Esposito's tongue could be. The man was the closest thing to a brother Kate would ever have.

Having Alexis' youthful chatter and bouncing steps alongside her though as they perused through hidden, upscale boutiques was the next best thing to a stress free few hours Kate could have hoped for. Much to her annoyance, having Castle's town car driving them everywhere and storing the bags wasn't as big a hindrance as Kate had thought it would be. As she sat herself down in the small cafe Alexis had chosen for afternoon tea, Kate's body ached, and she realised Castle's insistence of a car wasn't only for their safety, but for her health as well. The small amount of walking they'd done had her usually strong muscles begging for rest.

"Here we go."

Kate glanced up as Alexis placed a mug of steaming hot chocolate in front of her, a pink marshmallow bouncing on top of the white whipped cream. She'd declined coffee, which she knew had surprised the redhead, opting for the comfort of steaming hot chocolate instead.

"Thanks, Lex. I wish you'd have let me get this."

Alexis sat down across from her, wrapping her cold fingers around her own warm mug. Her eyebrows lifted, almost disappearing beneath her green beanie.

"No way, you bought this scarf for me which-"

Kate raised a hand, cutting off the girls protests. "I told you, Alexis. It was a present, a thanks, for...you know, helping me out and everything."

Alexis bobbed her head shyly; one hand tangling in the soft fabric of the scarf around her neck that Kate had purchased. It was multiple shades of green and suited the redhead perfectly.

"I don't like the idea of you not being the bouncy little jelly bean you are normally." Kate broke the comfortable silence after a few seconds, chuckling lightly when Alexis' eyes widened.

"Ok, that didn't come out quite right; I think I was channelling your Dad. What I meant was, last night during dinner? You were very quiet. And that you're having nightmares? That worries me, Lex."

Alexis shook her head before taking a sip of her drink. "It's fine, Kate."

Kate tapped her nails against the scratched wooden table, unsure how to proceed. She didn't want to overstep, especially when it really wasn't her place to begin with.

"Alexis-" Kate began, but was quickly interrupted.

"Ok, so, I don't get the nightmares very often. Just when something big happens. Like your place exploding, or that time with the triple killer, or when you and Dad got locked in the freezer. But it usually only happens once and then I'm good, I'm fine. It's really no big deal, which is why Dad doesn't make such a fuss. If I was ever uncomfortable with him shadowing you, I would tell him that, and he'd stop. He'd be upset, I know, but he'd _stop_." Alexis took another sip of her drink, but kept her eyes trained on the detective. She needed Kate to understand how serious she was.

"Lex, if anything ever happened to your Dad, I don't know how-"

Alexis reached across the table, squeezed Kate's hand with her own. "Kate, I know nothing would ever happen to my Dad. He has you for a partner. I couldn't ask for better."

"But-"

"Kate, please. My Dad is so, _so_ happy with you. Playing cops and robbers each day, putting his nose where it doesn't belong. I don't want to take that away from him because every now and then I have a nightmare."

Kate still wasn't completely convinced, but Alexis' chin was raised, her blue eyes narrowed in such a stubbornly familiar way. "Just promise me, Alexis, that if you ever feel troubled because your Dad is following me, you say. _I'll_ tell him it's time to retire his chocolate badge, if that helps."

"It won't come to that, Kate."

"Promise me, Alexis." Kate demanded softly.

Alexis sighed, stabbed her marshmallow with her spoon. "Ok. I promise."

"And one other thing. Your nightmares, do you talk to someone about them?"

Alexis shrugged. "Only Dad, sometimes."

"I've always found talking about them helps. You could talk to Ashley, your grams. Even me, if you want."

Alexis stopped her assault on the marshmallow and glanced up at Kate. "Did you talk about yours? To Josh?"

And so the tables turn, Kate thought grimly. She chewed her lip, debating how to answer. She wasn't about to lie, but her answer was no encouragement for Alexis.

"No, Lex, I didn't. Maybe if I had, we'd have had a stronger relationship. It's all about communicating, and I didn't."

"I'm sorry about Josh. Dad told me..." There was a pause, before she continued. "Do you still have nightmares?"

Kate nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as her mind raced back to those last few moments, freezing in Castle's arms, barely able to think of anything but all the things she'd never said to him. Kate couldn't remember the last time she closed her eyes and _didn't_ think of those precious last few minutes.

"I'll talk to you, to Ashley even, if you promise me _you'll_ talk to someone." Alexis said, finishing the last of her drink and sitting back against the leather booth.

Kate wished she had the energy to laugh. The redhead was as feisty and stubborn as her father. Castle would be so proud. As much as Kate didn't want to talk about the shadows plaguing her every dream, even though it would more than likely help, maybe having Alexis push the issue was exactly the nudge Kate needed. After all, what right did she have to preach to Alexis, when she couldn't even take her own advice?

"Alright, Lex. I promise. I'll talk to someone."

Alexis smiled, her crossed arms dropping to rest in her lap. "To my Dad?"

Kate heard the hope in her voice and knew they were moving into dangerous territory. "We'll see. You done?" She pushed her own finished drink away and reached for her bag, wincing as her ribs protested at the movement.

"Just...one more thing."

Kate nodded for Alexis to continue. "I don't know what the deal is between you and my Dad...and I know you just broke up with Josh, and maybe I'm sticking my head where it doesn't belong, but I want you to think really carefully about...about what you _want_. You know my Dad likes you, and I get the impression you like him, and if you _aren't_ going to give him a chance, then let him go. Let him try and be happy with someone else."

"Lex-"

"I'm sorry if I've overstepped, but I don't like seeing my Dad hurt. And, just in case you are going to...I don't know, give it a go at some point in the future, just know you have my blessing."

Kate swallowed nervously, not sure how to respond. This had come out of nowhere, and she wasn't yet ready to deal with her own feelings, let alone try and explain them to Castle's daughter.

"Your Dad is lucky to have you, Alexis." Kate finally stumbled out, smiling slightly lopsidedly. Alexis smiled back and rolled her eyes, which reminded Kate she probably shouldn't do that so often in front of the teen.

"You have no idea. The messes he gets himself into, I could write a book."

Kate slid out of the booth, wrapping an arm around the younger girls shoulder and giving her a squeeze. "I bet he'd love that. _Richard Castle, Exposed._ You'd make more money than he does."

"There was this one time-" Alexis began as they made their way out of the cafe, but the shrill ringing of Kate's newly acquired cell phone interrupted her story. With an apologetic look, Kate answered, grimacing when the number showed up as _Castle's Loft_. With one hand lightly on the redheads back, they made their way towards the dark blue town car waiting by the curb.

"Castle?"

"_Girl, you better get your skinny ass back to this loft right now."_

Kate pulled the phone away from her ear as Lanie's voice drifted through the speaker.

"Lanie? What're you doing at Castle's? Is there a dead body at his place I don't know about?"

"_If you don't get your booty back here and start talkin', girl, there will be."_

They reached the car and Kate waited as Alexis slid in, before following and closing the door.

"Lanie, put Castle on."

"_Nuh-uh, honey. How long till you'll be back?"_

Kate sighed, covered the mouthpiece with her hand and consulted Alexis. "You ok if we head home, Lanie's there."

Alexis nodded, stretching her legs out and tipping her head to rest on Kate's shoulder. "Yeah, I'm meeting Ashley later and I wanna get some homework out of the way first."

"We'll be there in about twenty, Lanie. Think you can manage?"

"_I'm sure me and writer boy will think of something to talk about."_

The phone disconnected before Kate could reply, and she gaped at the cell before turning to Alexis.

"We should probably get there ASAP. I don't trust either of them together without me. God only knows what they'll talk about, or plot."

Alexis let out a breathy chuckle as Kate urged their driver to go faster.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_For all of you who mentioned you like Kate/Alexis scenes, here's one just for you =)_

_Hope you liked. Review?_


	6. Chapter 6

_The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender_

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><p><em>Chapter 6<em>

"Where's the rest of it?"

Beckett rolled her eyes as Castle opened the door to the loft, taking a few of the bags from her arms as she entered, Alexis following close behind.

"Rest of it? Castle, as it was this cost me almost three pay checks. And there's plenty."

"Our girl has expensive taste, writer man." Lanie said, meeting them by the head of the stairs and taking the bags from Castle's arms. Alexis kissed her Dad's cheek hello before making her way upstairs to her bedroom.

"C'mon, girl, you have some talkin' to do." Nudging Beckett forward, Lanie grinned at Castle's pout. "Don't I get to see what's in the bags?" He whined, leaning against the banister to the stairs.

"No, but you can get me a drink, something alcoholic." Lanie retorted, following Beckett up to the second level. She smirked at Castle as he grumbled and made his way towards the kitchen, before pushing Beckett into the guest room and closing the door.

"Time to multi-task honey, speak and unpack." Lanie commanded, tipping the bags upside down and watching curiously as wisps of material fell onto the bed. She wasn't lying when she said her girl had expensive taste, but the clothes were definitely beautiful, and very Kate Beckett.

"Hello Lanie, nice to see you too." Beckett said sarcastically, catching a navy blue Burberry blouse as it tumbled towards the floor.

Once she was satisfied all Beckett's clothes had been emptied onto the bed, Lanie took her friend by the shoulders and led her to the bay window. Sitting in the small cushioned alcove, she waited until Beckett had done the same, before reaching out to inspect the egg on her friend's forehead.

"Hurt much?"

"Not really."

'Not really' was an improvement on what Lanie was actually expecting, which was a firm 'I'm fine'.

"What about your stomach? And your arm?"

Beckett sighed, pulling her knees to her chest. "You didn't come here to doctor me, Lanie."

"No, I didn't. Until Castle said you'd been injured."

"Yeah, well, he shouldn't-"

Beckett was cut off by a sharp poke to her shoulder, and she glared at the medical examiner in disbelief.

"Don't even, Kate. Do not bitch about him being overly concerned or protective, because he isn't the only one. You think I like having Esposito coming home, worry nagging at him all night, and not about work for once, but about his boss, his _friend_, who we can all see is starting to fall apart?"

"Lanie-"

"Kate, listen to me. You have a family who loves you, who don't want to see you get hurt. You're pushing yourself too hard and we aren't about to sit back and watch you drown. _Please_, at least talk to someone. Talk to Castle. The man loves you, Kate. He'd do anything for you and you damn well know it."

Beckett was silent, and Lanie watched the emotions flicker across her face. She knew when her words started to sink in, because the detective's stoic face crumbled and her eyes watered. But moments later she blinked furiously and clenched her teeth.

"My life's a mess, Lanie." Her voice was hoarse and Lanie could hear the subtle cracks beneath.

"I don't think it's as bad as you reckon, honey." Lanie said, reaching out to cup her friend's elbow and squeeze gently.

"My apartment is gone. My belongings are destroyed. I'm banned from the precinct. Josh and I broke up."

_That_ Lanie didn't know. She was surprised it hadn't been the first thing out of Castle's mouth when she'd arrived at the loft.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." Well, only a little bit sorry.

Beckett let out a wobbly breath, trying to force a smile. "I thought I could have made it work. I thought I could have loved him."

"Kate." Lanie tilted her head until she could meet Beckett's eyes, before continuing softly. "We both know your heart belongs to someone else."

Lanie waited for a denial, for a retort of any kind, but it never came. Instead, she watched as Beckett swiped at the traitorous tears that had escaped, before giving a watery, but genuine, smile.

"You gonna help me put this stuff away or not?"

Deciding that was as much of an admission as she was gonna get, Lanie moved towards the bed, keeping up a constant stream of chatter about Esposito's bad habits, eventually breathing a sigh of relief as Beckett's shoulders loosened.

* * *

><p>"Pumpkin, I'm making lemon chicken for dinner. You want to give your handsome dad a hand?"<p>

Castle's daughter nodded, pecking him on the cheek as she made her way into the kitchen.

"Yeah sure, I was going to see Ashley but his parent's want him to go to some dinner function. Where's Kate?"

"Lanie left a little while ago, said Kate fell asleep. I'll wake her up just before we eat."

Alexis nodded, humming as she pulled a package of rice from the cupboard. Humming along with her, Castle's voice cracked when his back pocket vibrated, and he shot an apologetic look to his daughter when she rolled her eyes for messing up their tune. Quickly wiping his hands on a dish towel, Castle pulled his iPhone from his pocket and stared at the unfamiliar number for a moment, before swiping his finger across the screen.

"Hello?"

There was a moment of silence, before an unfamiliar voice spoke. "Richard Castle?'

"Yes."

"It's Jim Beckett, Kate's father."

Signalling to Alexis he'd be back, Castle made his way into his office and closed the door. "Mr Beckett, it's nice to finally talk to you."

There was a low chuckle on the other end and Castle smiled, his nerves easing slightly.

"Call me Jim. Rick, I've been trying to call Kate but her cell's been disconnected. I called the precinct, but whoever answered her line said she's off for a few days. My daughter does _not_ take days off. What's going on?"

Curious as to how Beckett's father had his number and why Jim would call him instead of Josh or Lanie, Castle took a moment to respond.

"Rick?"

"Sorry, sorry. Um, yeah, Kate is fine. She's actually staying here at the moment. I could wake her, let her explain what's going on?"

As a father himself, he probably should have answered better, because by the intake of breath from the other end he realised how bad the situation must sound to Kate's father.

"She's ok, Kate's fine, I promise." He quickly reassured. There was silence for a few moments before Jim spoke again, his voice weary.

"Just tell me what's going on, Rick."

Even though it really wasn't his place to do so, and he was sure Kate would kill him for overstepping, he couldn't deny Jim anything. Not when he was a father himself and could only imagine the worry Jim must be feeling. He quickly filled him in, before pausing as a thought occurred to him.

"Kate probably doesn't realise this, but she's going to be living here for a while. Maybe you'd like to come over for dinner and bring some pictures of Johanna for her? It might make her feel more at home."

Jim was quiet for a moment before he answered. "My daughter is very lucky to have you, Rick." Castle knew he was wrong; it was the other way round. _He_ was so lucky to have _her_ in his life.

"Your daughter is extraordinary, Jim."

Jim's voice cracked as it came over the line. "I know."

* * *

><p>Blinking tiredly, Beckett made her way downstairs and into the Castle kitchen, wrapping her arms around her waist as she sat on one of the bar stools and watched Alexis expertly dice raw chicken.<p>

"Hey Lex."

Speaking softly so as not to startle the girl, she smiled as Alexis turned and waved a knife wielding hand.

"Hey! Dad said you were still asleep."

Beckett shrugged, feeling slightly guilty for crashing while Lanie was still over. After unpacking they'd sprawled on Beckett's bed and watched a couple of episodes of Big Bang Theory, but she must have dozed off, because when she'd woken Lanie was gone and it was dark outside.

"Had an afternoon nap, a little bit odd since I wasn't really tired. But my stomach woke me. Dinner smells good."

Alexis turned back to her task, an odd expression on her face, but continued to speak over her shoulder. "Its lemon chicken. Dad was supposed to be cooking it but he got a call. Grams is out tonight so it's just us."

Hopping off the stool, Beckett cracked her neck from side to side before wandering over to stand by Alexis.

"Tell me what I can do to help."

"Sit yourself back down is what you can do, Detective."

Rolling her eyes, Beckett turned to find the owner of the voice standing only inches behind her.

"Castle, I can help dice vegetables."

"I'm sorry; I forgot to tell you that that was non-negotiable." With a devilish grin, Castle wrapped his arms around her waist and planted her on the bench. He was careful not to jar her ribs or her stomach, and he let his hands linger on her hips for a few seconds as she gaped at him disbelievingly.

"Sit. Stay. Watch the master at work."

Castle cringed at the sting she inflicted on his earlobe. "I'm not a dog, Castle."

There was another flick to his ear, this time from behind. "And don't you mean the _two_ masters, dad?"

Turning to his daughter, he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed her on the bench next to Beckett.

"Look at that, my two beautiful ladies."

Alexis rolled her eyes, but Beckett...Beckett could feel herself _blush_. Out of the corner of her eye, Beckett saw Alexis trying hard not to watch her father's movements, saw the way she tried to stifle her grin as he leant in close to Beckett and rested a palm against her thigh.

"And you, detective, look smashing in my shirt."

Beckett could feel her cheeks heating even more as Castle ran his eyes over the black _Green Lantern_ t-shirt of his she was wearing, even though she now had her own clothes.

"I'm just...going to call Ashley..." Suppressing the giddy urge to push the two together, Alexis slid off the bench and walked hastily into the living room.

Castle focused his attention back on Beckett, leaning in closer so her knees were pressed against his stomach, her nose mere inches from his own.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

Beckett only nodded at him in response, her eyes watching him hesitantly. He tried not to groan as her tongue slipped out unconsciously and wet her bottom lip. His grip on her thigh tightened, drawing her attention to his hand, which was slowly making its way higher.

"Castle." Her tone held warning, but the desire in her eyes contradicted her words. A thump from the living room reminded him that Alexis was most likely spying or eavesdropping, and he shouldn't be doing this. Definitely not in front of his daughter, and definitely not when he wasn't completely sure Beckett wouldn't stab him with the closest utensil. But _Jesus_, he could see the _want_ and the _need_ that was pulsing behind his own eyes reflected in hers. With a hand that was almost trembling, he cupped her chin, watching intently for any adverse reaction. When there was none, only her pupils widening, he leant in and pressed a feather light kiss to the corner of her mouth. He didn't miss the hitch in her breath or the way she subconsciously tilted towards him. With a will he didn't realise he had when it came to Kate Beckett, Castle pulled away, but rested his forehead against hers.

"Kate..."

Her hand came up and curled around his shoulder, pulling him closer to her, and he buried his head against the crook of her neck, inhaling the cherry scent that was utterly her.

"Not now, Rick. Later. Please."

His chest tightening when she used his first name, he nodded into her hair, placing a tender kiss against her earlobe before pulling away and stepping back a few steps. Sitting on the bench, she smiled at him, her eyes shining.

Castle was sure things could only get better from this point onwards.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Hey guys, this will be the last chapter for a few days, am heading interstate to meet the fiancee's sisters/nephews._

_Wish me luck!_


	7. Chapter 7

_Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 7<em>

With a light gasp, Beckett shot up in bed, her ribs protesting the swift movement together with the heaving of her chest from lack of oxygen. Taking slow, shallow breaths, she tried to get her heart rate back under control, grimacing as she swiped away at the sweat covering her forehead. After a few moments she flopped back against the pillows, chewing her lip to stop the traitorous sobs building in her throat. She was so _tired_ of the horrific nightmares. They began differently, but the ending was always the same.

She'd dealt with nightmares after her mother had been murdered, after she'd had to drag her father away one too many times from seedy bars at 3am. She'd managed just fine back then, but now...she knew she was strong, but these ones...She could feel them chipping away at her already wavering walls. As much as she projected her tough girl exterior, even she had her emotional limits and they were being stretched. And she _knew_ Castle could tell, and that simultaneously worried and comforted her. The insistent voice in the back of her head, who sounded suspiciously like Lanie, kept whispering to let go. To let it all out, to tell Castle that she needed him, his help, his healing words, his soothing touch. But she _couldn't._ She couldn't show weakness that way. _Could she?_

Gritting her teeth, she forced the hot pressure behind her eyes to disappear, willed her stomach to loosen the knot it had curled itself into. Blinking up at the ceiling, she let out a deep breath, unable to decide whether a few more hours of sleep would be worth the risk of another nightmare.

The creaking of the door drew her attention away from the patterned ceiling and Beckett turned her head, watching as her shadow quietly stepped into her room and crept to the side of her bed, his hand reaching out for the bedside lamp that was still glowing in the darkness. She wished she was alert enough to make a witty comment, but instead settled for marginally annoyed.

"Castle, what're you doin'?"

He squeaked, yes _squeaked,_ and spun to face the bed, tripping over his own feet before crashing onto the mattress. Beckett's legs narrowly missed being squashed as she quickly curled them into her chest, watching in amusement as Castle stood up unsteadily and scratched his head sheepishly.

"Sorry, I thought you were asleep."

Beckett sat up against the headboard, uncurling her knees. "And what, that makes you think it's ok to sneak into a girls room?"

His eyes instantly dropped to her chest and with an eye-roll Beckett yanked the blanket up and around her shoulders, knowing without looking that the dark blue singlet she wore showed a little too much cleavage.

"I'd hardly call you a girl, Detective."

Squinting her eyes dangerously, Beckett tried to use her most admonishing voice. "Eyes up, Castle. You have sixty seconds to tell me why you were creeping into my room. Start."

Not at all fearful of her, he yawned and scratched his head again and Beckett refused to allow herself to think he looked roguishly adorable. After a moment he sat on the bed by her hip, his fingers nervously picking at the blanket.

"I saw the light under the door and figured I'd turn it off. Didn't want it waking you."

Beckett didn't bother asking why he was stalking around upstairs; she wasn't in the mood to listen to his feeble excuses about why he was checking up on her. Ever since the _thing_ in the kitchen (she wasn't quite sure what to call it) he'd hardly been more than two feet away from her all night.

"Thanks Castle, but the light was on for a reason."

She glared pointedly at the door, hoping he got the picture. Rather than leave like she knew he wouldn't, he swung his legs up onto the bed and crossed them like a schoolboy. His hair was sticking up in all directions and he had a dark layer of stubble across his chin. Man-child.

"This is the part where we share secrets and gossip. I could even braid your hair if you like?" His eyes pleaded with her not to kick him out, and she couldn't stop the twitch of her lips, silently glad for his distracting company.

* * *

><p>Castle watched as his muse fought a smile, his own lips quirking cheekily. Surreptitiously (he hoped) he took in the stark whiteness of her face, made more vivid by the redness around her eyes and glistening sweat on her forehead. The blanket she'd pulled to cover herself didn't hide her jutting collarbones and Castle wondered why he hadn't noticed her loss of weight earlier. It wasn't nearly as obvious as when he'd returned from the Hamptons with Gina last summer, and even the baggiest of clothes hadn't been able to hide the tremendous amount of weight his Detective had lost. Guilt had tore through him for weeks, he knew Beckett could get so wrapped up in a case she'd forget to eat without him there to remind her, and when she did remember to it was a bear claw or a granola bar, never anything nutritional. It wasn't until he'd been satisfied that he'd fed her enough calories over the coming months that the guilt had lessened.<p>

This weight drop was unexplainable though, as were the dark rings her make-up couldn't hide from him. He _knew_ it had something to do with the past month, they'd been through so much, and he just wanted her to tell him. Tell him how to make it better. Make her happy. From her sluggish attempt at demanding he leave, he figured talking wasn't much of an option for tonight. Casting his eyes around the room, he glanced at the Art Deco lamp again, before looking back to his muse. Her eyes flickered to the glowing lamp as well, then to a point past his shoulder, and he wondered if she knew how guilty she looked, how that one movement gave her secret away. An idea occurred to him, and he wondered hesitantly if she'd let him...

"I have a suggestion, and because you don't have your gun, I'm not too afraid to say it." He said quietly, trying to gauge her reaction, but she refused to look at him.

"If it involves either of us naked, you might wanna start running now Castle, because I don't need a gun to hurt you."

"It doesn't, I promise."

His sincerity was evident and his nerves must have been too, because after a few seconds of silence, Beckett rolled her eyes. "Well?"

"Would you sleep better if I...if I..." He tried, but the humility, and the hurt, which would undoubtedly result if she turned him down, was enough to make his throat close up.

* * *

><p>Beckett let out a quiet chuckle, amused that the million dollar writer couldn't quite articulate what he wanted to say. "C'mon Castle, I'm too tired to snap at you. Spit it out."<p>

He let out a breath, before saying in a rush, "would you sleep better if I read to you?"

Breaking his sentence into actual words, it took Beckett a moment to respond. She chewed her lip, wanting desperately to say yes, but her stubborn pride refused her from saying so. It would be admitting out loud that she had a problem, and that just wasn't going to happen.

"Ok, so rather than give you the opportunity to object, I'm just going to anyway."

Saved from answering and denting her pride, Beckett smiled as Castle turned his back to her and reached for the bedside table. He turned back seconds later with Derek Storms fourth adventure in one hand and Beckett couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"In a hotel you get a Bible, here you get a Richard Castle novel. Nice."

He grinned back at her, taking a chance by pulling the blanket over his legs and settling against the headboard. "Just trying to be accommodating, Becks."

"Don't call me Becks." She yawned, wriggling down in the bed and turning on her side, nestling her head against the pillow, bringing her knees upwards so they curled into her stomach and pressed against his side. The warmth from his body was the best kind of comfort.

* * *

><p>Unable to resist, Castle let one hand rest against the curve of her shoulder, his thumb stroking softly, the other holding the book. With a lowered voice, he began reading, glancing down every now and then, not surprised when it was only minutes later that his muse's eyes had closed and her breathing had evened out. Placing the book on the bedside table, he switched the light off and slid down further in the bed, stilling in alarm when she inched closer to him, her hand seeking him out until she found his t-shirt and held on with a firm grip. Untangling her fingers, he lifted her hand to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on her palm before letting their joined hands rest on his chest. Within minutes, the rhythmic sounds of her breathing and the soft pressure of her body pressed against his had him falling into a dreamless sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>Beckett woke to the feeling of feather light fingers on her face, and after a few confused seconds, she blinked her eyes open. Richard Castle's blue orbs stared back at her, his face inches from her own, his body pressed warmly against hers.<p>

A few months ago she would have yanked backwards and threatened him for invading her personal space. Instead, almost instinctively, she closed her eyes and let out a soft sigh, tilting her head closer to his hand when he moved to pull away.

The gentle touch of the tips of his fingers as they ran across her cheekbones, over her eyelids and eyebrows, down to trace her lips, was almost enough to lull her back to sleep, if it weren't for the rapid pace of her heart and the lump building in her throat. She couldn't remember the last time someone had touched her, _caressed_ her for no other reason than because they wanted to and seeked nothing in return. Opening her eyes again, she stared back at her partner, unable to decipher the emotions swirling through his eyes. While she knew he was finding it easier and easier to read her, that he probably knew her tells inside and out, she was coming to realise that lately, he'd become more closed off, more difficult to read. Ever since the Hamptons, since Josh and Gina and the freezer and the bomb, he'd been distant. Not physically, if anything he'd been closer, but emotionally, he'd been guarded. She didn't like guarded Castle.

"How did you sleep, KB?"

Breaking eye contact, she watched as her own hand involuntarily skimmed up his chest and curled into the neckline of his shirt, anchoring herself to him.

"I slept," which was more than she'd done lately, "what time is it?"

His eyes flickered past her head to the digital clock on the bedside table, before coming back to her face. He grimaced slightly. "It's almost one."

From the light streaming into the bedroom, she knew he meant 1p.m., not a.m. They'd slept for almost 12 hours.

"Guess that explains the noises coming from your stomach." Supporting her statement, his stomach let out another low rumble and she grinned up at him. The crinkle around his eyes when his smile matched hers was charming and she reached up tentatively, scratching lightly against the dark stubble across his chin. His breath hitched and his eyes closed as her hand crept up the side of his face, her fingers threading through his hair before coming to rest against the curve of his neck. She hesitated for a fraction of a second, before her own eyes slipped shut and she lifted her head, her lips parting slightly as they brushed against his.

* * *

><p>Richard Castle was 99% sure he was dreaming. Surely Kate Beckett was not pressed against him, her hand hot against his neck and her lips wet and warm and soft against his own. A breathless moan, one he'd only ever heard once, but had dreamed of so many times, emitted from her, and it was all Castle needed to realise that yes, this was <em>real.<em>

Even though she'd initiated the kiss, he didn't want to startle or scare her by pressing urgently, so he bit tenderly on her lower lip, before soothing it with his own tongue. From its resting place against her hip, his hand skimmed up her ribs to cup her cheek. All thoughts and words left him, all he could see, could feel, was _Kate._ She surrounded him, and when he pulled her body closer still against his own, tangling their legs together, all he could think was he wanted _more_. He wanted this every second of every day, _always._

He could have stayed wrapped in her embrace forever, but he could feel his own body starting to warm as his blood rushed south. They weren't ready for that yet. That's if they were even a 'them'. Reluctantly he pulled his lips away from hers, pressing wet kisses along her neck, giving them both time to calm their erratic breathing. When he was sure he wouldn't be tempted to lose control, he placed one last, lingering kiss on her lips, hastily moving away when she tried to pull his tongue into her mouth.

"Kate, _please_."

She let out a pout, her eyes focused on his chest, her lips swollen and red. _God_, but he wanted her. He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed at his eyes, trying to work out what to say. The one moment he needed his trusty words and they fail him. Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth, only to have it snap shut by a knock on the bedroom door.

"Dad? Kate? Are you guys awake?" The timid hesitance in his daughters voice had Castle's gut clenching guiltily.

"Yeah pumpkin, come in."

The door opened slowly, and a pair of blue eyes poked around. Seeing that the adults were indeed dressed, Alexis opened the door further and hovered in the doorframe.

"Morning guys."

Her face scarlet red, Beckett mumbled hello, pulling the blanket to her shoulders and sitting against the headboard. It was like the walk of shame, only without the walking, and without knowing quite why she was ashamed.

"Morning sweetie. Sorry we slept late, is everything ok?" Hopping out of the bed, Castle wrapped his daughter in a one armed hug.

"Um, your phone rang so I answered, it was Captain Montgomery. He wants you to call him back."

Beckett shot out of the bed before Alexis has finished her sentence, wincing slightly, no doubt from lingering aches, and rushed to the chest of drawers, quickly pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweater. Thanking his confused daughter and ushering her out of the room, Castle turned to his muse, gaping when she started to untie the ribbon holding her pyjama pants up. All but leaping towards her, he stilled her fumbling hands.

"Whoa, what're you doing?"

Slapping his hands away, she stepped back from him. "Going to the precinct. Montgomery said he'd call if something in the case came up."

With a sigh, he stepped towards her until she was backed against the chest, her jeans clutched tightly against her stomach.

"Kate, slow down. I'm not letting you leave here without calling Montgomery first. He might just be ringing to check up on you."

"Castle-"

"No. Have a shower, let me make you something to eat, and then you can call Montgomery."

"Castle, you're not in charge of me-"

"Damn right I'm not! But I'm your friend, your _best_ friend, and if that means I gotta be a little bit tough with you, then fine. You listen to me, Kate, and you listen good. From now on, until this case is solved, you don't try any half ass attempts to leave my sight and head to the precinct to chase down some pathetic lead. You and I are stuck together, whether you like it or not."

Breathing heavily, a little surprised by his outburst, Castle watched as she lowered the jeans and bit back a sigh.

"Castle..._Rick_...I'm not trying to get myself in trouble. I just want this over with, ok?"

Placing his hands on her shoulders and squeezing gently, Castle bent his head slightly to meet her eyes. "Unless you haven't noticed, Kate, lately trouble seems to be finding you."

She let out a wry chuckle and tilted her forehead to touch his. "I know. But, I've got you watchin' my back, so I'm ok."

Pressing a light kiss to her mouth, he murmured back his familiar _always._

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Hate it? Love it? Let me know!_

_PS, thank you for all your 'good lucks' with meeting the in-laws. Happy to report it was a success!_


	8. Chapter 8

_If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind, I would say once, because you never really left_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 8<em>

Beckett made her way into the 12th precinct, Castle hovering behind as usual, his hand pressed warmly against the small of her back. She'd spoken to Montgomery after lunch, and the Captain had said to make her way in when she was ready as there had been a new development on the case. Beckett hadn't been expecting to walk into the 12th and find it crowded with unfamiliar faces. By the time she'd weaved her way through the mass of blue uniforms she'd spotted Esposito and Ryan talking to two men, who she instantly recognised just from the backs of their heads. Quickly discarding her bag and coat by her desk, she tugged on Castle's arm and made her way to the small group. Esposito noticed her first and tilted his head, the other three men turning and greeting her as they met in the middle of the precinct.

"Detective Beckett, all grown up."

Beckett swatted Detective Marshall's arm for his teasing tone, before tugging him into a quick hug. "Dave, good to see you."

She pulled back, quickly giving the other man a hug as well. "You too, Owen."

The three grinned at each other in spite of the reasons for their reuniting. Five years ago, despite the case and subsequent injuries; they'd been a good team. A subtle cough drew Beckett's attention to her shadow, who was looking a little intrigued by her show of affection, especially in the precinct.

Rolling her eyes, Beckett caught Castle's hand and bought him further into the circle. "Detective's Dave Marshall and Owen Stewart, this is Rick Castle, my partner."

She didn't miss the look between Marshall and Stewart, before Marshall coughed up the guts to talk first. "Partner, hey? We heard you had a tag-along."

"Yes, he's my partner." Beckett's clipped tone quickly put them in their place. Even though she understood they were just teasing _her_, she knew _Castle_ would suffer nothing but mockery from them if she didn't assert his essential place on her team. The men nodded to each other in greeting before Stewart turned his devilish grin back to Beckett.

"How you been doin', girlie?"

Beckett shot a glare back at him. "Girlie? Still? C'mon guys, I think we're past that."

It wasn't until Castle's hand squeezed hers and he bounced a little that she realised they were still holding hands. _How on Earth had that slipped past her?_ Judging by the not so subtle grin on Ryan and Esposito's faces, they'd been waiting for her to realise. Carefully releasing his hand, because yes, _she_ was the one gripping him, she let her traitorous limb fall to her side.

"Girlie? Sounds like an interesting story behind that." Castle clapped his hands like a little kid about to open his Christmas presents, glee evident on his face.

Beckett groaned inwardly, she _knew_ that Marshall and Stewart had a slew of incriminating stories on her that Castle would just soak up. She could only imagine some of the things Nikki would get herself into if Castle heard some of those stories.

"Save it for later. Montgomery said you guys were targeted as well? Your families ok?"

Their faces sobering, both men nodded. "Karen and the kids were out when the house went up, thank god. I was in the backyard, bit of shrapnel got me." Holding his arm up, Beckett grimaced at the large gauze wrapped around Marshall's bicep before turning to the other Detective.

"Stewart?"

"They got my car, which was parked on the street. No injuries, kids and wife are all ok."

Beckett raised an eyebrow. "Kids? Plural?" Five years ago his new wife had been pregnant with their first baby.

With a smirk, Stewart high fived Marshall proudly. "Yep, got two boys now and a little girl on the way."

Her smile softening, Beckett squeezed his shoulder. "Congrats, Owen."

"And you, girlie? Married yet? Any kids?" Marshall asked, his eyes not-so-subtly darting to Castle.

She gave a wry grin and tipped her thumb in the writer's direction. "Nah, he's all the kid I can handle."

She didn't need to look to see Castle's pout, before deciding it was time to get down to business. "Right, tell me what's going on and why the heck there are so many people here?"

"Come into one of the conference rooms, Beckett." Esposito said, tipping his head towards the few rooms down at the end of the hall. Following the four boys as they headed down the corridor, Beckett paused when Castle laid a hand on her shoulder.

"You ok?"

Frowning, she continued walking, letting his hand fall away. "Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"Just checking."

Biting her lip at his quiet concern, she shot him a tender smile. "Five by five, Castle. C'mon, let's get this over with."

* * *

><p>Castle sat quietly and listened as Detective Marshall pointed out the new leads in the Soulio Case. There were three whiteboards set up in the conference room, though only two were covered with notes and pictures. When they'd first entered the room Castle had almost knocked Beckett over when she'd stopped walking, and it had taken him a moment to realise her eyes had been drawn to the second whiteboard, where there were pictures tacked to the board of what he quickly recognized as Kate's now destroyed apartment. With a gentle nudge, he'd pushed her towards a desk, waiting as she sat on its surface before sitting next to her, letting his whole side press against hers.<p>

"We've hashed it out quite a bit, Becks, and come to the conclusion that it's not the same guys."

"_What_?" Castle could feel Beckett's whole body tense against his as she barked out her question, and as inconspicuously as he could, he shuffled his hand over to hers, wrapping their pinkie's together. She shot him a quick, surprised look, but didn't pull away, before turning back to Marshall.

"What do you mean it's not the same guys?"

Resting his hip against another desk, Marshall opened a manila folder and began reading.

"Our first tip off that this wasn't the original guys was the explosions. Nick Soulio's group never blew stuff up; it was always a gunshot to the head, completely different MO's."

Beckett nodded in consideration, and Castle could see the wheels ticking in her head as Stewart took over and continued.

"Second, our ring leader Nick hasn't had any contact with the outside world. He was a loner before he went to jail; he's got no family, no friends, no one. If anyone was gonna want to play revenge, he's the man, but these attacks haven't been his doing. If the attacks had been limited to just us three, then yeah, we mighta considered someone else in the group."

Beckett's eyes shot to Stewart. "There's been more?"

He nodded regretfully."Yeah, Becks. No one related to the original case though. A 23-year-old psych student from NYU last night, gunshot to the chest. A 20-year-old pizza delivery guy, gunshot to the neck earlier this morning."

Castle could feel Beckett's body slump against his own, and he tightened his grip on her hand, before hesitantly voicing his own thoughts. "How do you know these shootings are related to your attacks? To the Soulio Case at all?"

Marshall gave him a lengthy look before deciding the writer could be trusted. "When the case hit the headlines five years ago we released a few details; one of them was that each victim was covered in a black cloth."

Castle nodded, remembering that detail.

"That was a false leak, which is why we now know these other attacks are copycats and not from members of the original group. These two new victims were left with a black cloth over them."

"So we've got a copycat who doesn't know his facts, but not only that, is for some reason gunning after us as well? It makes _no_ sense." Hopping off the desk and releasing his hand, Beckett stalked over to the whiteboard, her shoulders tense as she tried to piece the puzzle together.

"That's what we're trying to figure out, Becks, and that's why the precinct is crowded. Every spare hand is working on this. Last thing we need is the press gettin' wind and causing a storm, no doubt it'll fuel our perps ego."

"Do we have _any_ leads on who this guy might be?"

Castle watched as Esposito shook his head at his boss. "Sorry, Beckett. There were no prints left at any of the scenes, no evidence at all."

Running her hands through her hair, Beckett closed her eyes briefly, before squaring her shoulders and fisting her hands on her hips. "Okay. First we gotta figure out who this guy is, and stop him before-"

"Kate."

Rolling her eyes, because she so clearly knew what was about to come from Detective Marshall's mouth, Beckett turned and faced the older man. Castle sucked in a breath, familiar with the dangerous glint shining in her eyes. This wasn't going to end well.

* * *

><p>Castle watched in amusement as Beckett stomped into the loft, throwing her bag by the closet door. She'd been fuming the whole ride home, ranting about how <em>unfair<em> it was that she wasn't allowed to work on the case, on _any_ case at all. She was _fine_. Picking up her bag and hanging it in the closet, together with his own coat, Castle followed her into the kitchen, watching as her cheeks flushed red with anger when she opened the refrigerator door and a bag of oranges fell onto her feet. Quickly moving to her side, he picked up the fruits and stashed the bag back in before she could throw them at him. He took a few cautious steps backwards in preparation for an onslaught, verbal or physical, he wasn't quite sure. "Kate, Montgomery is right to send you home, you're exhausted."

As he half expected, she stalked towards him, her eyebrows raised. "I am not exhausted, Castle, I'm annoyed! This is completely ridiculous! They want all hands on deck and yet-"

She was so close, her chest almost pressed against his own, her warm breath swirling past his cheek. Raising his hands, he cupped her soft cheeks, effectively cutting off her rant, her mouth forming an adorable 'o' of surprise. He leaned in slowly, giving her the chance to pull away. When her eyes closed and she tilted forwards, he moved one hand to the back of her head and pulled her all the way, their lips clashing together.

His knees felt like jelly, his heart beating wildly as her lips caressed his own, her tongue darting out to run along his teeth. He tried to pull her closer, breaking the kiss only to wrap one arm around her waist as his lips wetly trailed across her jaw and down the length of her neck. She made that small moan that's haunted his dreams, and he felt his jeans tighten in response. Grazing his teeth along her collarbone, he bit down gently, eliciting a breathless gasp from his Detective as she tilted her head invitingly.

Her skin is hot to his touch, her neck flushing as he made his way back to her mouth, nibbling on her bottom lip before she pulled away slightly, stepping out of the confines of his arms. He could see fear written all over her face. Fear, happiness, uncertainty, awe, surprise...but not regret. _Thank God_, not regret. He couldn't handle regret.

"Castle, we can't."

He could hardly make out her words through the rushing in his head. Her eyes are luminous, her cheeks bright red, her hair in disarray. He wants more. Now. She's like a drug...and he's _way_ past addicted. He leans towards her, but she takes a step back, one hand raised against his chest.

"Rick, please. We can't do this..._I_ can't do this."

"Kate-"

She presses a finger to his lips, and he doesn't hesitate to bite down on the tip, relieved to see a small smile curl her lips upwards.

"Just...not now. Not so soon after...after Josh. It's not right. I'm not ready."

He sighs, knowing the disappointment shows on his face. He hates that they've always had the worst timing. But his stomach jolts happily as she reaches up and rubs his swollen lips affectionately, and his mind rapidly explodes as he realises that she said _not now _instead of _not ever..._

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Make a girl's Monday morning much more bearable...leave a review?_


	9. Chapter 9

_The wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 9<em>

Castle's attention was drawn away from the sleeping form of his muse, who was draped over the armchair in his study, his last Derek Storm book resting in her lap. Saving the chapter he'd been furiously typing out on his laptop, he shut the lid, grabbing his cell as it flashed Jim Beckett's number across the screen.

He moved out into the entryway of his loft, opening the front door to reveal Kate's father, cell in one hand, a large gym bag in the other.

"Jim, nice to meet you." Taking the bag from Jim, Rick shook the older man's' hand before stepping back to allow him to enter.

"Nice place you've got." Jim commented.

"Thanks. Would you like something to drink? Water? Juice?"

"No, thank you. Where's Katie?"

Ushering Jim to one of the leather couches, Rick placed the bag beside Jim before sitting on the sofa on the other side of the coffee table.

"Kate fell asleep about an hour ago. Your daughter is a stubborn woman, Jim. Took a lot of persuading just to get her to _sit_ down, let alone try and rest."

Jim laughed, and Rick grinned, relaxing slightly at the sound. He was nervous; his sweaty palms a testament to that. This was Kate's dad; he had to make a good impression.

"When she was a baby, she never wanted to sleep. Johanna was convinced it was because she didn't want to miss anything. I still believe it was just her stubborn streak making itself known early."

Rick chuckled; amused since it sounded as though Kate and Alexis were suspiciously alike as babies.

"Thanks for coming, Jim. I haven't told Kate, but I'm sure she'll love to see you."

Jim nodded, rubbing his hand along the gym bag, before turning solemn eyes back to Rick.

"It used to worry me...that she'd be out there fighting on her own with no partner, no one to look out for her. She has you now, not just to fight against the demons walking around this city, but to fight those in her head. I can't thank you enough for that."

Rick gulped, his chest tightening, overwhelmed with the emotion in the older man's voice. "I would do anything to protect your daughter, Jim."

"Rick, from what I've heard Katie say, I believe that. She cares a great deal for you," Jim paused, before continuing guardedly, "just...don't mess it up again."

Rick had know for a while now that Kate cared for him and...wait, what? _Again_? What did he mean by that?

"What do you mean _again?_" He asked, leaning forward in his seat, his heart hammering nervously. Jim just shrugged, not willing to divulge any more information. He didn't need to though, Rick had a fair idea of what he was referring to, and a tight knot formed in his stomach at the thought. The subject of their conversation made her presence known at that moment, stumbling out of his office, her eyes bleary. She stopped at the sight of the two men on the sofas.

"_Dad? _What're you doin' here?"

Instead of answering, Jim shot off the sofa and pulled his startled daughter into a tight hug.

* * *

><p>Castle couldn't stop smiling as he watched Jim Beckett tease Alexis. Her cheeks were bright pink and glowing from the attention. Ever since Alexis had walked through door, home from school, to find Kate Beckett being berated by her father for not informing him of what had happened, Alexis had been smitten with the grandfather like way Jim had turned his attention to her, the two debating the best tactics to use in a game of chess. You wouldn't ever have guessed the two had never met before. But Alexis was easy to get along with, and it was clear Jim was lonely and needed someone to dote on.<p>

Kate had been relieved, her dad finally distracted, but it had meant _he_ had received a poke to the shoulder and a glare for not telling her he'd invited her father over. Castle had shrugged, ignoring her daggers as he'd called and ordered Italian for dinner. Once the food had arrived and they'd filled up on linguine, salad and garlic bread, Castle decided it was time to tell Kate the genuine reason behind Jim's visit. Placing the last of the plastic dishes in the garbage bin, Castle turned to his muse as she finished rinsing their glasses, a dish towel slung over her shoulder. He didn't dare say domesticity suited her, he still held out hope that Alexis wouldn't be an only child.

"Kate." He waited until she turned her attention to him, before taking one of her hands and squeezing gently. By the widening of her eyes, he knew she knew something was up. "Your Dad bought a few things with him, for you. That might make your stay here more...homey."

She tried to tug her hand away, but he held tightly. "Castle, I'm not going to be here much longer. A few more nights maybe, but that's it. I don't need-"

Since her father and his daughter were only feet away, he didn't think he'd get away with kissing her into silence, instead he placed his hand across her mouth. She narrowed her eyes at his move and bit on the sensitive skin of his palm, but kept quiet as he quickly removed his hand to rub the tender spot.

"Kate, we both know you're not going anywhere anytime soon. Even if your apartment _is_ salvageable, it'll take months to repair. There's no point trying to find somewhere short term to live, having to buy furniture only to move it all again. There is _no_ reason why you can't stay here."

Pulling his hand back to her mouth, she tenderly kissed the spot she'd bitten, before twining their fingers together and letting their hands fall back to their sides. "I hate being an imposition." She murmured, tipping her head forward, her fingers gripping his tightly.

Castle chuckled, using his free hand to tilt her chin upwards until her green orbs met his. "You're hardly that, Kate. I love having you here, Alexis and mother love having you here. _Please_, say you'll stay."

"Ok," Castle let out a breath of relief, "but, I _will_ pay rent, or bills or groceries or something. I'm not a free loader. I pay my way."

Castle shook his head wryly, knowing there would have been a catch. At least it wasn't something like _I'll stay, as long as you keep your hands to yourself, writer boy. _If all she wanted was to contribute, he could live with that.

"Deal. Now let's see what your dad bought before he takes it all home, and my daughter with him."

* * *

><p>When Jim had unzipped the gym bag, pulling out a faded blue box, Castle had watched the colour drain from Kate's face and her body sag forward. He'd managed to catch her eye, tilting his head in Alexis' direction, who was sitting on the sofa against Kate's side, silently asking whether she wanted Alexis to see this. To see her mom. To see Kate possibly unravel. Kate had only nodded slightly, wrapping one arm around Alexis' shoulder. Alexis knew from the look on Kate's face, from the way Jim had carefully ran a shaking hand across the box, what was inside. Rick looked on proudly as his daughter gave Jim an encouraging smile, as the older man opened the lid, revealing a stack of photographs of various sizes. Some were faded, some black and white, some yellow and curling around the edges. Kate reached in first, her face crumbling as she stared at the picture of her mother, holding tightly onto a giggling younger Kate.<p>

Castle moved to sit on Kate's other side, resting a reassuring hand on her thigh. "How old were you?" He asked, indicating the next picture, where Kate was dressed as a cowgirl and posing, her mother laughing in the background.

"Maybe six. I don't remember. Dad?" Her voice was gravelly and full of tears. Across from them, Jim smiled.

"You were five, Katie. Your school had a Halloween party and you were going through a cowgirl phase. You wore the costume for weeks afterwards, and because you were a little daredevil your mom was constantly sewing up all the holes you made. It would have been ok, but-"

"But mom couldn't sew." Kate finished, her laugh watery. Alexis pulled out the next picture, amused at the image of a scowling teenager with black nail polish and a purple streak through choppy brunette hair.

"Oh my God, Kate! Look at you!"

Embarrassing his daughter, Jim relished in telling Alexis and Rick some of the amusing anecdotes of a young, rebellious Kate Beckett.

Rick pulled out the next photo, this one more discoloured than the rest. "Kate, you were such a cute baby."

Kate looked at the picture, taking it from his hands. "That's not me, it's my mom." Reaching into the box, she pulled out one of herself at the same age, holding the two together. The babies in each picture were almost identical. The next picture had Jim's face paling and Kate's breath catching in her throat. It was a wedding photo. Johanna, in a long white gown, was in Jim's arms, and it looked as though he'd spun them around, their hair wildly disarrayed and their cheeks bright red with laughter.

"Your mom...your mom used to say that was the second happiest day of her life. The day you were born was the first." Jim swiped at the tears blurring his vision, before taking the picture from his daughter and running his fingers reverently across the faded image.

"I want that for you, Katie. I want you to have a day that's the happiest of your life."

* * *

><p>He didn't ask, and Kate didn't tell him no, so when Castle slipped into her bed later that night after Jim had left, he didn't fear for his life. He waited as she came out of the bathroom, faltering only slightly at the sight of him in her bed, before rolling her eyes and crawling under the covers.<p>

"Something wrong with your own pyjamas, Detective?" He turned to face her, wriggling his eyebrows, having admired her _long_ legs as she'd come out of the bathroom in nothing but a long white t-shirt of _his._

"Something wrong with your own bed, writer?" She snapped back, but there was no bite behind it. He just smiled at her before leaning across her chest, suppressing his grin when her breath caught. He turned the new item on her bedside table to face them, the dazzling photograph of a small Kate being cuddled between her parents now framed and standing proudly.

"You look just like your mom."

He glanced down to see her watching him intently, her eyes grateful. "Thanks, Castle. For having my dad over, for letting us share my mom with you and Alexis."

With a flick of his wrist, Castle switched the bedside lamp off, casting the room in darkness. "Anything for you, Kate. Always."

He settled back in the bed, itching to reach out and touch her, but unsure whether he should. He needn't have worried, seconds later her hand found his and squeezed gently before letting go. "Night, Castle." She turned onto her side, her back to him. Unable to stop himself, he traced along the length of her spine with his thumb, feeling as her body shivered beneath his touch.

"Kate?"

She only mumbled in response, and as much as he didn't want to ask he knew he wouldn't sleep otherwise, the need to know had been pounding through his head for the last few hours.

"Did I ever...mess anything up with you? With _us_?"

With a small groan, she rolled onto her stomach, turning her head to face him. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure...just something your Dad said." He reached out, his fingers mapping the contours of her face, and her eyes closed on a breathless sigh.

"Don't listen to him; Castle, he's probably talking about one time or another when you've annoyed me."

Castle didn't believe her, and the heavy pressure in his stomach continued to gnaw at his insides. He had to know. "You sure, Kate?"

"Yeah. Go to sleep, Castle." She turned back away from, her body curling onto its side in a protective ball.

"I'm sorry, Kate, I just don't believe you. Does this have something to do with last summer?" The time for treading lightly was over. If they were going to try and become _something_, they needed a clean slate, and it was clear Kate wasn't telling him something. Something important.

He could see her shoulders tense, her fist clutching at the blanket pulled up to her chin. Her voice was steady, but Castle could detect the small tremor underneath. "Castle, c'mon, that was months ago. Just drop it."

Propping himself up on one elbow, he reached out to stroke the back of her hair with his other hand, letting the soft ends curl around his fingers. "That's not a denial, Kate. Is it because I didn't call, because-"

He jerked his hand back as she rolled over to face him, her eyes fierce. "Castle, I said drop it. Seriously."

"But Kate-" He tried to protest, tried to reach out to touch her, but she slapped his hand away.

"NO." She turned her back to him. His hand trembled as he let it fall to the bed. She'd never spoken so ruthlessly to him before, never lashed out so violently. Taking a small breath, he settled back down in the bed.

"Kate, this is obviously important to you, and if it's going to affect _us_, I need to know." His voice was all but begging. God, they'd barely even _begun_ and were already on shaky ground.

"Is it because I left with Gina? Because you were with Demming and-"

"I wasn't." Her voice had cracked, the sound a stab to his chest, but he couldn't make sense of anything but those two words. His mind reeled backwards in time, piecing together the mystery. So when she had pulled him out of the small gathering for his going away party she _wasn't_ with Demming. She wasn't with Demming when he'd left for the Hamptons. With Gina hanging off his arm. Oh. _God._

"Kate...I'm _so_ sorry." He breathed, shifting closer to wrap his arm around her waist. She clutched his hand, bringing it to her lips, kissing his knuckles. Castle could only imagine how hard it would have been for her to try and open up to him, only to be slapped back down. Everything made sense now; the gap he'd had to try and close between them when he'd returned, the disappointed looks Lanie had shot him for weeks, the unwillingness of the boys to talk about anything they'd done over the summer. _God_, he'd really messed up.

"It wasn't your fault Rick, you didn't know. It just...it hurt." She was right, it wasn't completely his fault, they were both to blame. But he would never wish that kind of pain on her, not in a lifetime, especially since he was so familiar with how much it hurt to see the one you love be with somebody else.

"I don't mean to sound callous, Kate, but that feeling you had? Watching me with Gina? I had that, every time I saw you. With Will, Demming, Josh. It hurt _every_ second. But you were happy, and I wasn't going to ruin that for you. You deserve happiness, Kate. Like your dad said, you deserve your happiest day ever."

Releasing his hand, she turned over, coming face to face with him, their noses almost touching. She'd been crying, and he felt a crush of guilt weighing down on him for putting that look of devastation on her face. But then she smiled shyly before clearing her throat. "I want that, Rick. My happiest day."

He smiled back, wiping away the lone tear that had trekked its way down her cheek. "Yeah?"

She pressed her lips to his, a tender caress. "Yeah. I want it with you."

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Soooo, review? You've all been so awesome with your reviews and alerts,_ **thank you.**


	10. Chapter 10

_You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 10<em>

_Kate watches in horror as his body falls to the ground. Whiteness surrounds them, and she thinks maybe it's snowing, because it's so beautiful, but then she hears a ticking and she spins in a circle, only to find herself trapped in a metal box. Turning back to the limp form only metres away, she watches as blood slowly seeps out of the wound to his chest, and with a hoarse cry she runs towards him. It takes her a few moments to realise that no matter how fast she runs, she isn't getting any closer. It's like she's on a treadmill, going nowhere, but losing strength with every step. He's just out of reach, and she raises a frozen hand towards him, calling his name. He doesn't answer and she doesn't expect him too, she's been here before, and he never answers. He's so close, and she just can't...just can't reach him, and all she wants is to touch him. She calls his name again, knows it's futile, knows she's screaming-_

Her own startled cry wakes her, and Kate sits up in bed, sweat dripping down her face. Her stomach rolls and she leaps out of the bed, only just making it to the bathroom before dry heaving into the toilet. Nothing comes out, and she doesn't expect anything to, but she can't stop retching. Tears are blurring her vision and she can hardly breathe, her whole body is trembling with terror. Maybe it's minutes later, maybe hours, she doesn't know or care, but the roller coast of queasiness in her stomach finally settles. She wants to lie on the cool tiles and sleep, wait till the burning in her stomach and throat has faded, but she can see the bathroom door is open, can see the man she loves sleeping peacefully on her bed. _He's alive, he's alive, he's alive_. It's like a chant, on a continuous loop in her head. He can't see her like this. She's surprised she didn't wake him, but then she always figured he'd be a deep sleeper.

Gathering what little strength she had left, she manages to stand, avoids looking in the mirror as she moves to close the bathroom door. Her hands are shaking like a junkie in withdrawal as she pulls her soaked shirt off her body and steps into the shower stall. Her vision is still blurry, her face wet from tears, but she manages to grip and twist the faucet. Cold water hits her body, and even though she meant for hot, she doesn't have the energy to adjust the temperature. She tries to be strong, tries to hold herself up, but the image of his limp body lying in a pool of blood has her knees buckling. The freezing water stings her skin as she slides down the wall, bringing her knees to her chest. Her tears mix with the running water, her laboured breathing mercifully drowned out, so all she can hear is her own mantra _he's alive, he's alive, he's alive._

* * *

><p>Castle wakes to someone tapping his shoulder, and he rolls away, hoping the annoyance will vanish. He feels the bed dip, hears a huff and then it's like an earthquake has hit, his whole body is being rattled.<p>

"Whaaaaat?"

Swatting the hands away, he blinks wearily, surprised to see Alexis sitting beside his hip, concern etched across her pale face. A glance at the clock tells him its only 2a.m, and he knows something must be wrong for her to be waking him at this time.

"Pumpkin, what's wrong?"

His daughter's eyes shoot to the closed bathroom door, and after a moment he hears the water running. Looking to his side, he sees Kate is no longer in bed with him.

Turning back to his baby, he watches as she picks nervously at the ribbon on her pyjama pants. "Kate was...uh, she was retching for a while. That's what woke me. The water has been going for almost an hour and I thought...maybe you should check on her?"

Sitting up in bed, Castle can see by the distress in his daughter's eyes that she's definitely worried, which has his own stomach clenching nervously.

"You go back to bed, sweetheart. I'll go see, I'm sure she's okay."

He wasn't sure at all. Kate had been fine when they'd fallen asleep. Shuffling to the bathroom door, his hand is ready to knock when Alexis' voice stops him.

"Dad...?" She sounds so hesitant, so young. He makes a mental note to talk to her about his..._developing relationship _with Kate.

"Mmm?"

"Kate...Kate has stopped drinking coffee, and she's been napping a lot, and now she's throwing up...I just thought, maybe...well..." Alexis trails off, one hand waving anxiously. She doesn't need to finish her sentence, Castle has already figured out what she was trying to say, and it feels as though his stomach has hit the floor. He wants to climb back into bed and pretend his daughter's suspicions weren't possible. But _God_, maybe she was right, and he'd been so caught up he hadn't seen it. He can't form the words to console her, thank her for caring about Kate, instead he turns back to the bathroom and without knocking, enters.

Castle has seen a lot in his life, but he _never _wants to see the sight that's before his eyes again. He closes the bathroom door behind him, not wanting Alexis to see, and grabs the thick towel hanging from the doorhandle. Sitting on the tiled floor, her naked skin almost translucent, Kate hasn't noticed him enter. Her whole body is shaking, from the cold or from something else, Castle isn't quite sure. He doesn't want to startle her, so as slowly, gently as possible he opens the door to the shower stall, reaches across and switches off the water. She shudders, but doesn't acknowledge him. He kneels down in front of her, ignoring the coldness on his knees, and drapes the towel across her shivering body.

"Kate?"

She doesn't respond, so he touches her chin, tilts her head upwards. "Jesus, Kate." Her face is white, made starker by the puffy redness around her eyes and the blue tinge to her lips. Her glassy eyes focus on his, and she reaches up, her icy fingers stroking across his cheek.

"Castle?" She whispers, her eyes closing briefly before opening, almost like she doesn't believe he's really there.

"Yeah, sweetheart. C'mon, let me help you warm up."

He wraps the towel tighter around her, before lifting her into his arms. He almost slips on the wet tiles, but manages to find his balance as he moves out of the shower stall. Nudging the bathroom door with his foot, he's thankful when the latch gives way and he makes his way into Kate's bedroom. A split second decision has him veering away from the bed, instead heading out of her room and towards the stairs. Her body is still shaking, his own arms are straining to hold her tight, and he eyes the stairs wearily. He can do this. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he steadily makes his way down the stairs. He wants to fist pump when he reaches the bottom, but the body curled in his arms takes priority.

As soon as he reaches his bedroom he places her on his bed, leaving her side for seconds to turn the heat up and grab his thick blue robe.

"Kate, honey?" He kneels back in front of her, strokes the damp hair off her forehead.

"You're ok?" He doesn't know what she means, but he nods, and her face relax slightly.

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine. But you're freezing." He doesn't ask for permission, knows he doesn't need to. Over the past few days there's been a delicate shift in their relationship and they've crossed their 'hands off' boundaries. He takes the towel from her shoulders, uses it to gently dry her arms and legs, her stomach and chest. He keeps his eyes on hers though, watches for any sign of discomfort, but there is none. Her eyes stay locked on his, but he can't decipher the look behind them. When he's sure she's mostly dry he grabs the robe and wraps it around her body, knowing he's made the right choice when she pulls the material to her nose and inhales the scent. His scent.

He pushes on her shoulder until she's lying down, pulls the blanket up to her neck, and then climbs into his bed next to her. She turns to face him, and he mimics her position. Her knees are curled upwards and they press into his stomach, but he flattens them, pulls her body until it's pressed against his own, their heads sharing the same pillow.

The panic, the anxiety and the worry that had been rolling through his body for the last ten minutes finally begins to ebb away as her eyes clear, as she smiles faintly at him.

"Kate?"

She doesn't answer, instead finds his hand and clutches it to her chest. He hardly trusts his voice to sound detached, but the question is burning a hole through his stomach. "Kate, are you...are you pregnant?"

She laughs. She honest to God laughs and it's the most amazing sound he's heard since Alexis let out her first wail. He takes her response as a no and presses his lips to hers in relief. Even if she'd said yes, he would have stayed by her side, done anything to make her happy, but the thought of her carrying a baby that wasn't his hurt just a little.

"I'm definitely not pregnant, Castle." She whispers against his lips, pulling back, her eyes searching his. He keeps his face carefully blank, not wanting her to see his dreams of a future.

"You'd be a good mom, though."

She takes a moment to reply, focuses her attention on the collar of his shirt. "I don't think so."

"I do." He cuts off her retort because they could go back and forth all night, and stills her fiddling hands as they play with the hem of his sleeve. "Why were you crying, Kate?"

* * *

><p>Kate wants to tell him the truth, spill every awful, gruesome detail of her nightmares, but he doesn't deserve that burden. His body is so warm against hers, and she can feel her trembling begin to dissipate. She presses closer, buries her head in the crook of his neck. The image of his dead body passes through her mind and she stifles the sob that wants to escape her throat. She can't fight this on her own anymore, she knows that.<p>

"Castle-" She chokes on his name, wonders how she's even going to get the words out without crumbling. Like he's always been able to do, he finishes her sentence. "It's the nightmares, isn't it?"

Kate nods against his neck, takes a calming breath as his fingers comb through her hair. "Most of the time we're in the freezer, the timer on the dirty bomb is counting down somewhere in the background, but you've already been shot. The first few times I didn't know by whom, but lately I look down and find _I'm_ the one holding the gun. I try to reach you, help you, but I can't. I never can. You die, and it's my fault."

Kate can feel his chest rising and falling against her own, and she pulls back, not surprised to see his mouth ready to tell her it's not her fault. Before he can, she places her hand across his lips and he kisses her palm.

"Rick, I feel like its nightmares from the past mixed with an omen of the future. My job is going to get you killed. I know it, and I can't live with that."

"Kate, no."

There's panic in his voice, and rightly so. He knows where this is going. She moves her hand from his mouth, grips his neck, anchoring herself to him. She doesn't want to do this, but knows she has to.

"You can't shadow me anymore, Rick." From the look on his face, Kate knows he realises there's nothing he can say to change her mind.

"I'm doing this for you, Rick. For Alexis. She needs her Dad, your Mom needs her son, and your fans need their writer."

"Kate-"

"But most of all Rick, most selfishly of all, I need you."

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Sorry about the delay in updating, friends. Had my engagement party over the weekend (a success, thankfully!) which was very time consuming!_

_You've been so amazing with all your reviews, let me know what you thought of this chapter =)_


	11. Chapter 11

_In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero._

_In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 11<em>

_I need you. I need you._ The words keep replaying in his mind, an endless tune he'd never tire of hearing. Shifting onto his side, Castle watched the sleeping woman next to him. She was on her stomach, one arm flung towards him, a pillow over her head. He envisions she'll have the best, most adorable bed hair. The robe he'd draped her in had slid off one shoulder and his eyes refused to stop staring at the smooth, pale expanse of skin. He doesn't want to risk touching and waking her, instead lets his eyes travel across her slumbering form. _God_, she's so gorgeous, and half the time he doesn't think she realises just how much of an affect she has on him.

He's still numb from their conversation only hours ago, from being told he could no longer shadow her. When he'd failed to reply, too stunned to speak, she'd succumbed to sleep. He'd stayed awake until his eyes couldn't stay open any longer. He'd slept restlessly, nightmares of what might happen if he wasn't there to protect her clouding his mind. How was he supposed to go about his life each day, not knowing what she was out there facing? Not seeing her every day, not bringing her coffee and lunch when her sugar levels were dropping, or trying to work out what her mood was each morning by what shoes she wore, he just...he couldn't grasp the concept of not _being_ there. No. It wasn't happening. He'd find a way to convince her, to change her mind. He'd-

Snapped out of his wandering thoughts, Castle glanced at the alarm clock with a frown, wondering who on Earth would be pressing the doorbell at 6a.m. He glanced back at Kate, glad to see the noise hadn't woken her. With a quick kiss to her bared shoulder, he moved from the bed and towards the front door of the loft. He was surprised to see Lanie on the other side, dressed for work, an impatient look on her face.

"No dead bodies here, Dr. Parish. Please call back later."

She jammed her foot in the door as he went to close it. "Nice try, Castle." Shouldering her way past him, she plopped her hand bag on the kitchen counter before turning back to face him.

"I wanted to check on Kate before work, make sure she's doin' ok."

Castle yawned and stretched his arms above his head, watching out of the corner of his eye as Lanie rolled her eyes.

"Big night out, Castle?" She teased, moving towards the stairs. Castle glanced up towards the second level, glad the noise hadn't also woken his daughter.

"Lanie? What're you doin' here?"

Castle wished he'd had a camera. The look on Lanie's face was absolutely priceless. She was obviously well aware that the bedroom Kate had just exited from was his, and it didn't help that Kate was wearing nothing but his robe, her hair a complete mess, her cheeks tinged pink. She looked as though she'd been thoroughly ravished. Castle couldn't help his grin as he made his way towards her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Lanie decided to pay us an early morning visit, she wants to make sure you're ok." He said, smirking when Kate rolled her eyes and pushed his arm away.

"I'm fine, Lanie."

Lanie, her eyes still darting between the two, opened and closed her mouth. "Did you-...are you-..._what_?"

"You want some tea, Lanie? Are you hungry?" Deciding it was more fun to watch bewilderment take control of Lanie, Castle moved into the kitchen. Kate followed him, propping herself up onto one of the stools, rubbing a hand through her messy hair. Castle was right, her bed hair _was_ adorable. Lanie seemed to grab hold of her thoughts after a few seconds, planting herself next to Kate, hands fisted on her hips.

"Castle, leave us alone. My girl's got some talkin' to do."

With a pout, knowing better than to argue with Lanie (she did have access to sharp objects) Castle left the breakfast he'd started to prepare, unable to resist his next move. He made his way to Kate's other side, ignoring the weary look she shot him, before cupping her cheeks in his palms and planting a loud, sloppy kiss on her lips. He heard the growl leave her throat, ignored it, and instead pressed his lips harder against hers. Just as he felt her body begin to relax against his, he pulled away, enjoying the way her cheeks flushed pink. He turned to Lanie, proud of himself because of the look of astonishment that was on her face.

"It was lovely seeing you, Dr. Parish." With that, a grin splitting his face, he made his way upstairs.

* * *

><p>Castle knocked on the door to his daughter's bedroom, and when he received no answer he crept inside. Gone were the days when his baby was too scared to sleep with the door closed, when her Disney night light absolutely <em>had<em> to be on and there'd be a tantrum if monkey bunky wasn't tucked in with her. He moved to the side of her bed, sitting down gently, tucking a strand of her long red hair behind her ear. Her alarm would go off in a few minutes, and he was content to watch her sleep until then. He often wondered how she had turned out so well when most of the time she kept _him_ in check. How she could be so beautiful and smart and funny, how he was lucky enough to have her as his baby. She kept reminding him she'd always be his little girl, but he just couldn't grasp that maybe, maybe she wouldn't always be that. She was growing up, Kate would declare had already outgrown _him_, and he wanted her to stop. Just stop, because he knew if he blinked, he'd open his eyes to find himself walking her down an aisle, or watching as she taught her own daughter how to read a book.

The buzzing of her alarm clock pulled him from his sulking and he narrowly missed being decked across the head as her arm swung out at him. He caught the flying limb, lowered it to the bed before hitting the stop button on the alarm. At seeing him sitting on her bed, and he was sure he looked like he was pouting, Alexis rolled her eyes and sat up, blinking the last remnants of sleep away.

"Dad?"

"Morning, pumpkin." It wasn't the first time she'd woken to find him in her room, watching her sleep. After a hard case, especially if it involved a child, he couldn't stop himself from needing to be close to his baby, needing to make sure she was ok.

"What's wrong? Is Kate ok?"

He smiled reassuringly at his daughter. "Yeah, sweetie, she's ok. I actually wanted to talk to you about her."

"Is she pregnant?"

Caught slightly off-guard, having forgotten that it had been Alexis' hint in the first place, Castle frowned. "Uh...no." Alexis' body slumped dejectedly and he certainly hadn't been expecting _that_ reaction. "Don't look so disappointed, honey."

She glared back, her blue eyes accusing. "I always told you I wanted a little brother or sister! I thought I was finally getting one!"

Castle couldn't help but chuckle for a few moments. "Alexis, you do know...it wouldn't have..._couldn't_ have been mine? Kate and I have never..." Ok, so this was going into the top 10 most awkward conversations he'd ever had with his daughter.

She gave him an eye-roll, patted his hand. "Dad, c'mon, like it would matter. It'd be Kate's baby, and you really think she wouldn't let us be a part of its life?"

He could see she wasn't about to let up and decided to end the conversation before she conjured up any ideas about him and Kate having babies _together_. Only he was allowed to have those dreams. "I think, Alexis, that this conversation can end, because Kate is not pregnant, therefore it's completely irrelevant."

She pouted and he loved how endearing she looked when she didn't get her way, which wasn't all that often. "Alexis, Kate and I...well, we..." Taking a breath, Castle squeezed her hand, seeking reassurance. He'd never had so much trouble talking to his daughter before, but this was a delicate subject. This was about him and Kate, and he knew if Alexis didn't approve, then Kate would gracefully step back and he couldn't live with that, not when they'd come so far.

"Dad, if you wanted to ask if you had my blessing to date Kate, then the answer would be _yes_."

Castle couldn't stop the whoosh of air that left his lungs in relief. "Really?"

She gave him a disapproving look for being so worried. "Seriously. Dad, why wouldn't I approve? I love Kate, she's amazing, and she's intelligent and beautiful and so down to earth. And I know you love her too."

Castle knew the word _love_ just didn't give enough justice to describe what he felt for Kate. He hoped, one day in the _very_ far future, his daughter would feel the same way about someone. "I do, baby bird. And I'm happy I have your support."

She rolled her eyes, and he made a mental note to tease Kate for instilling the bad habit in his daughter. "I just want you to be happy, Dad."

Pulling her into his arms, Castle kissed the top of her head. "I am, Alexis." Or, he would be, when he could convince Kate to let him back into the precinct. Squeezing Alexis tightly, he released her only when she grunted in exasperation, and instead moved his hands to cup her round cheeks in his palms. She had his eyes, only hers were so full of innocence and life. He didn't want that taken away from her.

Maybe...maybe Kate was right. Was he being selfish and stupid, following her around when he could easily get killed? That innocence would be taken from his baby. He remembered Kate saying to him once that when her mother had died; she'd been forced to grow up too quickly. She'd had that innocence ripped away from her. He didn't want that to happen to his daughter. Never, not at all.

"Alexis?"

She smiled, and he loved the dimples that creased her cheeks. "Yeah?"

"Kate wants me to stop shadowing her."

Her fingers came up, wrapped around his wrists and pulled his hands from her face. She looked shocked. "_What_? Why?"

"It's too dangerous, she won't risk it. _I_ won't risk it."

"But Dad-" She jumped off the bed, paced backwards and forth. "Dad...you _love_ following Kate. It makes you so happy, and gives you so much inspiration."

Castle moved from the bed, placed his hands on her shoulders to stop her pacing. "Alexis, I love what I do at the precinct, but I love _you_ so much more. I would never forgive myself if something happened to me and you were left alone."

She looked like she was about to cry, and he couldn't work out why. Surely she was relieved he was going to give up trailing Kate? "Alexis?"

"Dad, please, I want you to keep working with Kate. She's the best there is, and I know she'll always keep you safe." The desperation, the _innocence_, in her voice was gut wrenching.

"Honey, it's not as simple as that. There are situations where Kate doesn't have control and anything could happen. To her, to me."

"I know, I understand that. But I still think you should keep shadowing her."

Castle sighed and hugged his daughter. Sometimes he forgot she had inherited his stubborn streak. "I'm sure Kate and I will work something out, ok?"

She nodded against his neck and he pulled away, resting his hands on her shoulders, dipping his head so her eyes met his. "Pumpkin, one more thing. Are you ok?"

She eyed him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"The nightmares? Are you-"

With a laugh, she cut him off and stepped out of his hold. "Dad, it's fine. I haven't had one since the other night."

"Ok, good. That's good. But Alexis, I've seen what they've done to Kate. She's struggled with them on her own for too long, and it's not healthy. I don't want you to ever feel like you have no-one to talk with, ok?"

She nodded, her eyes soft. "I know. Thanks, Dad."

Clapping his hands together, he winked at his daughter."Alright, little one! I started to make bacon and eggs for your breakfast before Dr. Parish banished me. Get your young self ready for a torturous day at school while I go see how the ladies are doing."

He patted her on the head, smiling when she rolled her eyes again, and ignored her shout as he left her room that she didn't like bacon and eggs on weekdays.

* * *

><p>Kate was pretty impressed, Lanie waited until Castle had disappeared upstairs before yanking her into a crushing hug. "Kate! Oh my God!" She pulled back, her eyes glowing. "This is unbelievable, you and writer boy, <em>finally<em>!"

Chewing her lip, Kate couldn't meet her friends gaze. "Don't put up a billboard just yet, Lane. I'm not sure..." With a sigh, Kate hopped off the stool and moved to the other side of the counter, taking over the preparations Castle had left. A glance at the clock told her Alexis would be up soon, so she pushed away the eggs and bacon, and instead reached into the fridge and pulled out a basket of fruits. Lanie followed her around the counter, concern written all over her face.

"Talk to me, girl." She coerced, taking a handful of strawberries and copying Kate's actions as she chopped them.

"It's just...I don't know, Lanie." Kate was so confused and conflicted. She didn't know _what_ her and Castle were. Obviously they were more than friends, but they weren't in a relationship, at least not yet. She'd just broken up with Josh, a man she'd been dating for almost a year. Surely it was too soon to even be thinking about starting something new? And with Castle?

"Honey, you and Castle aren't startin' something new. You're startin' something that's taken three years to get to this point."

Kate glanced at Lanie, unaware she'd spoken her thoughts out loud. With a sigh, she tossed the pieces of chopped cherries into a large glass bowl, grabbed an apple and began dicing. Lanie did the same before reaching for a peach.

"No!" Quickly taking the offending piece of fruit from her friend, Kate threw it back into the fruit basket, taking a banana instead. "Alexis doesn't like peaches." She advised, ignoring Lanie's raised eyebrow before handing her the banana.

"This is for Alexis?"

Kate threw the apple slices into the bowl. "Yes. Alexis will be up soon and she prefers fruit and yoghurt for breakfast, not bacon and eggs." Kate explained.

"That's very, uh...domestic of you to know that." Lanie said, and Kate didn't need to see her friends face to know she was smirking. Ignoring her and the unspoken topic of Castle, Kate quickly finished the last few fruits, adding yogurt before spooning the mix into four bowls, drizzling honey on top, which was mostly to indulge Castle's sugar addiction.

When she'd finished, Lanie, who'd waited patiently by her side, grabbed her hand and pulled her back over to the stools.

"Honey, answer me something. And be honest."

Kate felt her stomach roll nervously. She knew exactly what Lanie was going to ask, and knew she couldn't lie. She also knew her answer would mean saying something out loud, something she'd kept buried deep down for so long.

"Do you love Rick?"

Keeping her gaze trained past Lanie's head, Kate whispered her answer.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>


	12. Chapter 12

_...see there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. _

_It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me_

* * *

><p><em>Previously<em>

_"Honey, answer me something. And be honest."_

_Kate felt her stomach roll nervously. She knew exactly what Lanie was going to ask, and knew she couldn't lie. She also knew her answer would mean saying something out loud, something she'd kept buried deep down for so long._

_"Do you love Rick?"_

_Keeping her gaze trained past Lanie's head, she whispered her answer._

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 12<em>

"No."

Kate didn't love Rick. She loved _Castle_, her mostly annoying, surprisingly helpful, childish tag-along. She loved Castle the famous author and playboy extraordinaire. She loved Castle, father of the year. She loved Castle, who would keep her fed and happy and on firm ground, who'd always have her back, who would go out of his way to cheer her up.

She didn't know _Rick._ She knew that he was there, somewhere, lurking beneath the facade of _Richard freakin' Castle, _and maybe that was why she was so scared. What if Rick was different from Castle? What if he became tired of boring old Kate Beckett and wanted someone more fun, more glamorous and engaging?

She couldn't meet the ME's eyes when a subtle cough demanded an answer. "It's complicated, Lanie."

Her friend rolled her eyes, emitting an annoyed sigh. "I really don't think it is, Kate. He loves you, you love him. Just...do it already."

Kate chuckled, wished it were that easy, and slapped Lanie's hand as the doctor tried to peel the robe away from her body. "You're never this blunt. Are you trying to get the dish on me and Castle so you can win the pool at work?"

Lanie's face couldn't hide the guilt. "How'd you know about that?"

Raising an eyebrow, Kate gave her friend a look. "You just told me. I'm a _detective_, of course I know. What're you doing?" Irritated, since it seemed Lanie was intent on undressing her, Kate tried to move away from the ME's hands.

"Girl, stop it. I'm just checking your stomach." Lanie grumbled in exasperation.

"In the bedroom, Lanie, I'm not undressing out here." Kate made her way into Castle's bedroom, Lanie close behind, and she watched as her friend's eyes took in the messy bed, obviously slept in by two people, and came to an entirely incorrect conclusion.

"Something you're not tellin' me, honey?" Lanie asked, an eyebrow raised.

With her signature eye-roll, Kate made her way into Castle's excessively large closet, calling over her shoulder. "Plenty I'm not telling you, Lane."

After ogling the unnecessary amount of clothing, wondering how one man could own so much, Kate grabbed the first pair of sweats and t-shirt she could find, quickly changed and made her way back out to the ME.

"If it's juicy I wanna know."

Sitting on the bed, Kate lifted the shirt, grimacing at the yellowed bruise covering half her abdomen.

"Trust me, it's not juicy. I just...had a rough night."

Lanie squeezed her hand in sympathy before kneeling to inspect the bruise. "You talk to Castle?"

Kate nodded, her throat tightening as she recalled their conversation. She'd told him he couldn't follow her anymore. _God_, why had she done that? Alexis. Alexis needed her Dad, and Kate would never take him away from the girl, a girl she was beginning to care deeply for...which reminded her, "Alexis thought I was pregnant."

Lanie gaped, her hand digging hard into Kate's stomach as she pressed against the bruise. "She _what_? Where'd she get that from? Are you?"

Clenching her teeth, holding back a wince, Kate shook her head. "Thank God, no."

"Oh. Oh well. Wouldn't have been such a bad thing, though, would it?"

Kate slapped the ME's hands away and let her shirt fall back down. "Oh well, _oh well? _Lanie, what does that even mean?"

Lanie stood and shrugged. "It's not like you're getting any younger, Kate. Would a baby be so bad?"

Standing, Kate moved past her friend to the full length mirror, chewing her lip at the mess she saw in the reflection. She looked awful.

"If you're so keen why don't you and Esposito have a baby? You're the same age I am, which, by the way, is not _old_, thank you very much."

Running her hands through her hair, she flinched at the knots her fingers encountered. Maybe she'd cut it to shoulder length again, it was so much easier to handle. But...she knew Castle liked it longer and...wait, no. She was not about to decide how she styled her hair just because Castle-and Lanie had not replied to her question. Hands falling to her side, Kate turned to face her silent friend.

"Lanie? Are you...?"

Her friend shook her head no, but her smile was pensive. "No, Kate. But Esposito and I have talked about kids. We want a couple, preferably not soon since I'd like a rock first, but if it did happen, we'd be happy. Anyway, your stomach looks fine to me. I've got to get going, say bye to Castle for me, ok?"

Without waiting for a response, Lanie made a quick exit. In surprise, Kate stumbled over to the bed and sat back down. Ryan was engaged to Jenny. Lanie and Esposito had moved in together, had talked about kids. Castle had Alexis. When had she fallen so far behind? She had no boyfriend, no kids, not even a home. She had her job, which she loved, but not something she could do forever, and definitely not something that would love her back. Would she wake up one day to find herself sixty and alone, regretting never marrying or having kids? The voice that whispered _yes_ in her head was, for once, her own.

* * *

><p>Castle heard the front door close as he made his way downstairs. A glance towards the kitchen showed him it was empty, save for four bowls on the counter. He scrunched up his face at the too healthy breakfast, but felt a glimmer of warmth when he saw they were drizzled with honey. Kate knew he liked honey on fruit and yogurt. Heading into his bedroom, he found his muse sitting on the bed in his clothes, looking rather crestfallen.<p>

"Kate? You ok?"

She startled, looked up at him. Her face cleared immediately, her expression blank. Even with blotchy cheeks and red rimmed eyes she looked incredible.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Lanie just left."

Castle sat down next to her, rubbed his hand along her thigh. 'I'm sorry if I overstepped earlier, kissing you in front of her."

He was relieved when she chuckled. "S'ok, Castle. But try something like that at the precinct and Alexis will be an only child, got it?"

"Threat acknowledged. Now, come here." He pulled her body across his so that her thighs were straddling his own, her long calves wrapped around his waist. He cupped her cheeks gently, bought her lips down to meet his own. There was no explosion of passion, only loving tenderness. Her own hands came up, circled his neck to hold him against her as her lips moved softly over his own.

An amused voice from the doorway interrupted them moments later. "Guess I should probably start knocking, huh?"

Castle smiled as Kate's whole body stiffened against his own, as she buried her head in the crook of his neck. Over her shoulder, he saw his daughter hovering in the open doorway.

"I should have closed the door, sorry pumpkin. We'll be right out; Kate has made breakfast for you."

Her face burning red, his daughter quickly left the room and Castle focused back on the woman in his arms.

"Kate?"

She nipped at his neck. "That was embarrassing."

"Could have been worse." He stifled a groan when she bit harder and all the blood in his body rushed south. Her mouth was torturously amazing.

"I'm sorry, about last night. Blubbering all over you." Her breath warmed his skin, sent tingles down his spine, but it was the shy, timid voice that had his chest clenching. Kate Beckett was not a timid person. Pulling her face from its hiding position, he kissed the tip of her nose, loving the way she gazed back at him.

"Don't be sorry, Kate. Never be sorry. But we do need to talk about...all of it. Everything. Us." Her smile fell and he wanted to kick himself.

Self-consciously she tucked her hair behind her ear, shifted from his lap. "I know."

He could feel the emotional distance between them growing as she stepped away from. Jumping to his feet, Castle placed his hands on her shoulders, stopping her escape.

"We need to talk about us, Kate. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon. I can't go back to where we were; me pushing, you pulling away."

She chewed her lip and his eyes couldn't help but follow the tantalizing movement. "I know. I'm just..."

"Just what, Kate?" He wanted to plead, beg, but he knew, given time, she'd say what was buried deep down.

Her eyes searched his face, as if doubting she could really open up to him, and that stung a little. He smiled encouragingly, ran his hands down her arms to link their fingers together. She took a breath and he hated hearing the way it caught in her throat. "I'm scared."

"So am I Kate-"

"No, Castle..._Rick_, listen to me. You're my _best _friend. You're my rock, my dry land, my...my _lifeline._ If anything were to happen to you, I wouldn't be able to get back up. If we start something...and it goes south? I wouldn't survive. I _can't_ lose you, Castle."

He wanted to kiss the doubt from her eyes, the fear, but she had every right to be apprehensive. He'd had two failed marriages mixed amongst a slew of bad relationships. He wasn't a safe bet, and he knew that. They both had baggage, a lot of it, but that wasn't something the other was unaware of. All he knew was, he loved Kate, and he could only hope she felt the same way. He squeezed her fingers before releasing them, trailing his hands back up to cup her cheeks.

"Kate, I can't promise we aren't going to fight, I can all but guarantee we will. We're both stubborn as hell but at the end of the day, if I can fall asleep with you next to me? That's all that matters. We've suffered through each other for the past three years, and you know all my bad habits and I know yours. Are we going to argue? Yes. Are we going to annoy the crap out of each other? Absolutely. But you try and tell me it won't be worth it, that we wouldn't be great."

"Castle..." She was folding, he could tell. He pulled her close, pressed his mouth tenderly over hers, nipped at her lower lip. She let out that damn little moan and he moved back before he could get carried away.

"Tell me you didn't feel that." Because _God_, he did. His whole body all but trembled with the effort it took to control himself. She was toxic, a drug he'd never get enough of.

She swiped her hand across her swollen lips before reaching up, stroking her fingers through his messy hair. He loved her little touches, had never thought she'd be one for simple caresses.

"Take a chance, Kate. Have a little faith in me, in us."

He wondered if she could hear the thudding of his heart. She was silent, watching him, her hand moving slowly across his scalp. This was it. He knew it, she knew it. Her answer would make or break them, would decide their future.

"_Kate_?"

"Ok." Her reply surprised them both, and he could already see the _'but' _forming on her lips, however he didn't give her a chance. As the nervous ball in his stomach disappeared he yanked her into his arms, covering her mouth with his own before she could speak. She responded enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around his neck and deepening their kiss. He knew there was a wall behind her and a bed behind him, and he couldn't decide which to aim for. She sucked his tongue into her mouth and his knees almost buckled from the sensations the manoeuvre inflicted.

"Guys! C'mon!"

Panting, he reluctantly pulled away, grimacing at the exasperated yell from the kitchen. He watched in amusement as Kate rearranged her clothes, flattened her hair. Her expressions filtered between embarrassment, happiness, apprehension.

"Hey, Kate?"

She looked up at him, smiling widely when he grinned back at her. He loved her smile. "Yeah, writer boy?"

He kissed her one last time, lingering a little too long, unwilling to pull away. "It's writer man, Detective. And I'm _your_ writer man."

She started at him, her gaze tender. "I guess you are."

Reaching down, he slid his fingers through hers. "I just wanted to say you're beautiful. Now, c'mon, let's go and eat this stuff you call breakfast."

As he moved to leave the room, she turned an accusing glare to him. "Hey! What bad habits do I have?"

He only laughed and kept walking.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_Since ya'll thought Kate'd say yes to Lanie's question, I just had to change it up a little. But, hey, happy ending right? Well, its not THE END (just yet), a few more chapters to go._

_Review? You've been so wonderful and encouraging so far. Without you guys this would be sitting dormant on my laptop._


	13. Chapter 13

_There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 13<em>

Kate was still a little stunned as Castle led them out to the kitchen. She'd been completely sideswiped by him. Her lips still tingled from his kiss and she tried not to bounce as she walked. She felt almost..._giddy._ Like she could do anything. Snagging one of the kitchen stools she sat down and pulled a bowl of fruit towards her. Castle did the same, moving his seat so it was closer to hers, making a disgusted face at the food.

Kate ate a few mouthfuls, surreptitiously glancing up at the teenager standing across from them who was leaning against the bench trying to look as blasé as possible. The loft was silent aside from the clank of spoons against porcelain and Kate could almost feel the tense air crushing her lungs.

"So, are you guys...um..._together_?" Alexis broke the silence first, her attempt at keeping a blank face failing spectacularly.

Kate swirled the honey through her fruit, not sure whether she was supposed to answer, or Castle. She'd never dated a man with a kid before, so this was new territory. Dated...huh, she was _dating_ Richard Castle. Inhaling a large, silent breath of air, Kate tried to keep her panic from escaping. She was dating Richard Castle. Richard _freakin'_ Castle.

With a smile, seeming to sense her uncertainty, Castle put his spoon down and wrapped one arm around Kate's shoulders.

"Yeah, honey. But we're keeping it quiet for now. Taking it slow."

Kate felt her panic dissipate as Alexis' face broke out into a wide grin; one that looked similar to her father's often smiling face. Even though Alexis had previously said she'd be happy if Kate dated her father, it was still reassuring to know that the young girl really did approve.

"Yeah, of course, keep it on the down low. This is awesome though. At least I'm going to be the first to say this..._It's about time_!"

At Castle's glare, Alexis moved around the bench, pulling her father's arm from Kate's shoulder and wriggling to stand between them, wrapping her own arms around their shoulders. Kate's heart skipped a beat when the redhead placed a kiss on her cheek.

"I'm so happy for you guys, really. And Dad, I won't be the only one to say it's about time. I wish you'd done this a little earlier actually, I had three months ago in the pool."

Castle whipped his head to face his teenage daughter, annoyance clouding his voice. "What pool?"

"Oh...the uh..." Stammering, Alexis' cheeks turned pink.

Before Alexis could talk herself into trouble, Kate interjected. "They have a bet going at work for when we get together. Alexis, I can't believe you got dragged into that!"

Alexis looked sheepish and chewed her lip. "Well, Grams put in first, and then I figured why not...I can't remember who had this month...might have been Esposito."

Kate couldn't help but gape, plans already formulating on potential punishments for her boys. She knew they'd had a pool, but to involve Alexis? A minor? "I'm going to hurt those boys. Encouraging betting at her age? Unbelievable."

Chuckling, Castle reached behind Alexis to poke Kate in the ribs. "Don't worry, Kate. I'm sure Alexis needed no encouragement."

Alexis laughed before tightening her grip on their shoulders. "No, I didn't. But, anyway, just...I'm _really_ happy for you guys."

Kate couldn't help but double check. She was a Detective after all. "You sure?"

With a classic Kate Beckett eye roll, Alexis smiled. "Absolutely."

Shovelling the last of the food into his mouth, as though eating it quicker would take away the taste, Castle ducked out of Alexis' grip.

"I'm gonna get changed while you ladies finish that stuff you call food."

"Castle? C'mere." With grin, Kate beckoned the writer until he was standing next to her. Alexis shifted into his vacant seat, and since she was keenly watching their interaction, Kate decided it was probably wasn't a good idea to use her tongue. Instead, she licked her thumb, watching through her eyelashes as Castle gulped, before reaching up and wiping away the smudge of honey in the corner of his mouth, lingering a second too long to caress his bottom lip. Pleased with herself, since it seemed he was stunned into stillness, Kate turned back to Alexis and her breakfast, listening as the redhead started to chat away about her upcoming biology exam. A few seconds later Castle seemed to regain himself, stumbling slightly as he made his way towards the study. Even though it was whispered, Kate, and clearly Alexis from the smirk on her face, heard his breathless _oh my god._

Finished with her food, her body still adjusting to the fact that she was actually eating a full meal before 1pm, Kate collected her bowl and Alexis' empty one as well.

"Was that ok? I know you prefer a lighter meal for breakfast, even though your Dad was insisting on bacon and eggs."

Pulling her lunch from the fridge, Alexis smiled. "Yeah, it was great, thank you. You don't have to though-"

"It's no problem, I need to start eating breakfast as well, and it sounds like we have the same tastes, so..." With a shrug, Kate place their bowls in the dishwasher, seeing out of the corner of her eye Alexis fiddle nervously with the wrapper on her sandwich.

"So...you're not pregnant?"

With a startled, choppy laugh, Kate wiped down the marble counter tops, unable to meet Alexis' probing stare. "No, Alexis, I'm not. But it was very observant of you to notice things that might have indicated I was."

Kate couldn't help but feel miserable when the teen's face fell slightly as she mumbled, "Oh, that's too bad."

"Too bad?" Wiping her hands on the dish towel, Kate watched as Alexis' cheeks flamed.

"Yeah. I've always wanted a sibling."

Before Kate could formulate a response, Alexis streaked out of the kitchen and back upstairs. Kate gaped at her retreating form, jumping slightly when Castle came out of his study, dressed in dark jeans and a white shirt. God, but he looked sinfully handsome. He pocketed his cell as he came towards her, and she watched as his eyes darted around the kitchen for any sign of his teenager. Satisfied she wasn't nearby to witness something therapy inducing, he pulled Kate into his embrace.

The scent of his skin mixed with the feel of his warm chest against her own had Kate's pulse beating wildly. His head lowered so slowly, and the anticipation of his lips against her own was too much. Snaking one arm around his neck, Kate yanked his head down until their foreheads almost clashed, pressing her mouth to his, sliding her tongue across his bottom lip, demanding entry. He wrapped one arm around her waist as he deepened the kiss, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pushed her back against the counter, the sharp edge definitely going to leave a bruise on her skin. Oxygen became necessary, and as he pulled back, his breathing laboured, Kate was sure her body would explode if he didn't keep kissing her. When had it suddenly become almost impossible to breathe without his touch? _God_, she'd fallen so hard for this man-child.

Purposefully loud footsteps on the staircase were all that stopped Kate from dragging Castle's mouth back to hers. Instead she let her head fall to his chest and attempted to catch her breath. After a few heavy seconds, she tilted her head back up and tenderly kissed the curve of his chin, loving the way his eyes sparkled down at her.

He looked thoroughly ravished and Kate smiled to herself. She'd done that. Her happiness was quickly dashed away as his face crinkled slightly and his hands came to rest on her shoulders.

"Kate...Montgomery called. We need to go back to the precinct."

She could almost feel as the ball of nerves began tightening in her stomach. "Why? What's happened?"

"There was another murder...and Detective Marshall was injured again."

Kate took a deep breath, closed her eyes. She would not panic. "Is he ok?"

Castle smiled at her, his fingers rubbing soothing circles on her shoulders. "Yeah, he's ok. He'll be in hospital for a couple of days."

She let out her breath, felt her stomach loosen. "Good. Ok. Um, I'll get dressed and then head in." She turned to move away, but the tightening of his fingers halted her process.

"Kate...are you ok? After last night?"

After her panic attack? After him finding her naked in the shower? Yeah, she was so _not_ fine. "I'm fine Castle, don't worry about it."

His fingers tightened to an almost painful grip, his face darkening to an expression she very rarely encountered.

"Don't bullshit with me, Kate. I don't _ever_ want to see you like that again. So you need to talk to me, about anything and everything. Ok?"

"Castle-"

"No, it's what best friends do. Talk to each other."

Kate felt her heart miss a beat. Best friends? Is that all they were now? Castle must have read the confusion in her eyes; his grip softened and his fingers trailed down to entwine with her own.

"You'll always be my best friend, Kate, first and foremost. Just promise you'll let me in, that you'll wake me next time you have a nightmare rather than try to freeze yourself in the shower."

Kate watched as his lips moved, vaguely heard the words he was saying. His face was perfect and all too mesmerising. How had she not noticed this before, not been completely smitten by his blue eyes? Maybe she had, maybe she'd just been too terrified to acknowledge it.

"Kate?"

Lifting her eyes from admiring his lips, Kate smiled, enjoying the way his Adams apple bobbed. "I pinkie promise, Castle." She linked their pinkie's and squeezed, only hazily aware of what she was promising. He could have been asking for a promise to dress in a naughty nurse outfit and she wouldn't have known.

"Good. Now, go get changed, we'll leave as soon as you're ready."

She could effortlessly read his expression, his hope that'd she'd already forgotten what she said last night. Unfortunately for him, she certainly had not. "Castle, I told you, no more following me. It's too dangerous."

"What if I promise to stay in the car?" His pout just wasn't cute enough to change her mind and she shook her head. He sighed, dropped her hands, instead using his fingers to cup her cheeks. The way he tenderly rubbed his thumbs under the curve of her eyes was almost enough to sway her.

"Just, let me help out on this case, and then we'll talk." And now he was pleading. God, that miserable expression tugged on her heartstrings. But she had to stay firm. For Alexis. For herself.

"Castle-"

"Kate, I can't just sit at home, wondering if you're going to be walking through the door tonight. _Please._"

He didn't wait for an answer, only pulled her into a bone crushing hug. She could feel his heartbeat through her own skin, feel the way it hammered as though he'd jogged 5 miles. He was nervous, panicking, definitely not joking.

"Fine, but once this case is over, I'm retiring you." She gave in; felt as his breath whooshed out against her ear in what she knew was relief. His body trembled slightly as he pulled away and a small gasp escaped her throat as he pressed his lips possessively against her own, catching her off guard.

His lips were hard, almost bruising, and she felt the anxiousness rolling from his body. She never imagined retiring him as her shadow would cause him this much panic, this much pain. Pulling away, she caressed his face until the darkness ebbed out of his eyes. She hadn't seen that look since...we'll, since he'd put his fist through Lockwood's face.

Gently she threaded her fingers through his hair, rubbed the back of his neck. "Rick, you wrote books without needing a muse once, you can do it again."

His eyes lowered to meet hers, his hands coming to circle her waist. "That's because I hadn't met you...hadn't fallen in love with you yet."

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_For AC, because I promised._


	14. Chapter 14

_For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation_

* * *

><p><em>Chapter 14<em>

_Hadn't fallen in love with you yet._ Love. Kate knew Castle loved her, had known for a while. But to actually hear him say the words, that was another thing entirely. All of her instincts screamed at her to run, flee, get the hell out of there because this was way too serious and way too fast. But as she looked up at Castle's face, his expression a mix between uncertainty and happiness, she realised she physically and emotionally could not walk away from this man whose heart was bared for her to see...and crush if she wanted too.

"Rick..."

The hands around her waist squeezed gently. "I'm not expecting you to say it back, Kate. I just...wanted you to know."

He was slightly flustered, mostly unsure, that she could tell from his hesitant voice. A small part of her wanted to reciprocate, say it back, but she just wasn't ready. At least, not for the _love_ that he was talking about. It'd been a long time since she'd told somebody she loved them. She'd never said it Josh and he'd never said it either. What they'd had wasn't love, it was more...passion.

"Castle...Rick...you're my best friend and I..." She faltered, unsure how to continue. His hands moved from her waist to her neck, his fingers sending goosebumbs across her arms as he finished what she'd so obviously been trying to say.

"I know, you love me as your best friend. And I love you as my best friend. That will never change."

Kate closed her eyes; for once so relieved he could read what was one her mind. "No, it won't." She agreed.

"But that doesn't mean you'll never love me...as something more." He looked so vulnerable, his eyes all but pleading for her not to dash his dreams.

"Castle..."

He sighed, pressed his lips to hers briefly, but tenderly, a barely there caress. "Just, tell me...maybe someday you will."

Someday had already come and failed to leave, but she wasn't ready to say it. "Yeah, Castle. Someday."

"Someday soon?" He pulled out the puppy dog eyes, ones that only a week ago she'd been able to resist. Now, not so much.

"Ok, now you're just pushing it. C'mon, writer man, we need to get to the precinct." She tugged on his arm, making her way to the stairs. She wasn't about to let him watch her change into work clothes, but his chatty company would be better than the silence of her room. She stepped up to the first step, spun and almost tripped back down when her shadow pulled on her wrist.

"Castle!" Her glare faded quickly as his crinkling eyes met her own. Standing on the first step, with him still on the ground, they were eyelevel.

"You know, maybe it's archaic of me to think like this, but I kinda like being taller than you. Makes me feel more..._manly_. Like I can protect you."

Rolling her eyes, because the alternative was a right hook to his cheek, Kate pressed a hard, hot kiss to his mouth.

* * *

><p>Castle kept an appropriate distance as he followed Beckett into the precinct. By appropriate, he meant close enough that his shoulder brushed hers, but apart enough that he had a nice view of her figure as she strode through the corridors, her heels clacking ominously. She was Do-Not-Mess-With-Me-Beckett at the moment, her newly purchased slacks, blouse and blazer all but screaming authority. Add the sexy black pumps and Castle was trying hard to keep himself focused on anything but dragging her into the nearest hall closet. They entered the bull pen, which was quiet unlike the last time they'd been there, and Beckett didn't even pause as she made her way over to Esposito and Ryan. The pair were leaning over Esposito's desk reading a file, Ryan talking furiously. Castle continued to follow, though slowed his footsteps, keeping his grin at bay when he saw Esposito notice Beckett and stand up a little straighter. Ryan's face dropped when he looked up and saw his boss, saw the expression on her face. Castle wanted to laugh, to tell Beckett to give them a break, but he couldn't. He knew what was coming, had been on the receiving end way too many times, and wanted nothing more than to watch someone else suffer. Beckett reached the boys and without even a <em>hello<em>, gripped one of their ears each and tugged, dragging them towards the nearest empty interrogation room.

"Ow! Beckett, what the hell!" Esposito yanked his head, but Beckett kept a firm grip on his earlobe until they were in the room. Castle came in behind and closed the door, leaning casually against it with his arms crossed. The effort it took to keep a straight face was incredible, especially when Ryan backed cautiously against the wall and rubbed his reddened ear.

"Jesus, Beckett. What was that for?"

Beckett chewed her lip, paced a few steps before fisting her hands on her hips and stepping closer to Esposito, invading his personal space. She towered over him, and he had to tilt his head to maintain eye contact. From his stance across the room, Castle could see the Hispanic's adams apple jump nervously.

"I found out about a certain..._pool_ that's going on here. And that there's a minor involved."

It took Esposito a moment to understand, and when he did, he let out a laugh. "So who won?"

Beckett stepped back, glanced across at Ryan who was smirking. "What?"

Ryan moved from the wall, came to stand next to his partner, forming a united front. "If there was a pool, and a certain minor told you about it, it'd only be because said minor caught the subjects of the pool doing..._something._ So, who won?"

Beckett narrowed her eyes and glared. "Nobody won anything. Next time I find out Alexis is involved in one of your bets, you two will be transferred to narcotics before you can say _junkie."_

Esposito and Ryan glanced at each other, and Castle could see that they had no intention of obeying Beckett's orders. He moved to stand next to his muse, unsure whether she was likely to go ninja assassin on the boys. He doubted it, since really, she did love them, but he also knew she had a soft spot for Alexis.

"Sure thing, boss." Esposito said, barely able to keep a straight face.

Beckett cocked her head, appeared to be studying them before rolling her eyes and coming to the conclusion: she wasn't going to win this fight. Her face softened, she glanced at Castle, and he was surprised to see how much tenderness she projected, especially with the gossip twins standing two feet away. "Just, try not to corrupt her, ok guys?"

The boys nodded casually, but Castle could see they were curious about their boss. They'd caught on to something.

"I'm just gonna go check in with Montgomery, you can fill me in after." Beckett turned, brushed past Castle, her fingers lightly grazing across his own. The determination it took for him not to reach out and kiss her was overwhelming. He admired her rear assets with a salacious grin, only turning back to face the boys as she left his line of sight.

"Woah! Guys!" Startled, Castle jumped backwards, away from the pair who had stepped into his personal space, their arms crossed, faces hard.

"Castle, got something you wanna share?"

His heart pumped nervously, because yes, Esposito and Ryan scared him. They were friends with Lanie, who had sharp tools and could do terrible things to him and nobody would ever know. He gulped, raised his hands in pleading.

"Uh...um, no, nothing."

Esposito and Ryan shared a look, before Esposito stepped closer still. "Just warning you dude, Josh is a big guy. Hope you're not looking for a fight."

"What?"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Can't imagine Josh would be impressed if he saw you giving Beckett elevator eyes. Just sayin'."

It took Castle a moment to understand what the boys were implying, and when he did, he let out a bark of laughter. He'd almost forgotten it had only been days since Kate and Josh had broken up, since she'd moved into his apartment. It felt like months.

"Uh, so Beckett might hurt me for telling you guys, but her and Josh aren't together anymore." He figured if he used his puppy eyes on Kate, she might be a little lenient and not kill him for spilling.

Esposito and Ryan shared a look, yet another one Castle couldn't decipher. "Huh...well, you don't waste much time, do you?" Esposito alleged, one eyebrow raised in question.

"What? No, I-"

"It's ok, bro. After Demming and Will and Josh, can't blame you for jumping in quickly."

Castle felt a spark of anger, because this was _his_ Kate they were talking about. "Guys, I'm not _jumping_ on anything."

Ryan clapped his shoulder, his smile genuine. "Castle, we're only messing with you. This is great, it's about time. Just...you know..."

"Hurt her and there won't be a single place in this city you can hide." Esposito finished, clapping his other shoulder. Castle nodded quickly, he'd been expecting some sort of threat from the big brothers.

"Warning acknowledged. But I'd never intentionally hurt Kate." God, he'd throw himself in front of a bus before allowing anything to happen to her.

"We know, Castle. But it had to be said. Guess this means I won the pool then? Freakin' awesome!" Pumping one fist into the air, Esposito's grin almost split his face.

Castle panicked, realising the boys now thought he and Kate were together. She'd kill him for sure, he knew it. "What? No! Nobody won, Kate and I aren't together!" He knew his protest was futile; the pair only spared him a glance as they left him in the interrogation room.

Ryan turned, walked backwards, his parting words leaving an uncomfortable ulcer sitting in Castle's stomach. "Sure you aren't. And Castle? If mum and dad ever fight, mum wins custody, kay?"

Yeah, Kate was definitely going to hurt him.

* * *

><p>Beckett stepped out of Montgomery's office and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. She'd managed to persuade the captain that she was fine, absolutely ready to be back in the precinct. He'd stared at her for a good minute, but she hadn't needed to worry about putting on a poker face to try to convince him. She <em>was<em> fine. Better than fine, actually. Kinda..._happy_. She spotted her shadow across the room, sitting in his seat, and an excited tingle coursed through her body. He looked a little nervous, fiddling with one of the ivory elephants on her desk, shooting glances towards Ryan's empty desk. Rolling her eyes, she made a beeline for the break room, intent on devouring an obscenely large amount of coffee. She pulled down two mugs, smirking slightly at the _World's Best Dad_ cup that belonged to Castle.

"Yo, Becks."

Her cup clattered against the coffee machine as she jumped in surprise. "Jesus, Esposito. No need to creep around. And don't call me Becks."

He raised an eyebrow at her, earning a glare in response. "Hey, don't be growlin' just because I wear shoes with a proper sole, not those 4 inch things of yours that click loudly."

With an eye roll, she grabbed an extra cup and held it out to him in question, adding one sugar when he nodded. He leant casually against the counter, arms folded, silently watching. It only took seconds for his silence to annoy her. "What, Esposito?"

He shrugged, glanced out to where Castle was still sitting; now sifting through her stash of M & M's. Beckett knew he'd be munching only on the red ones, which were her favourite too, and this always led to bickering between them.

"Esposito?"

The detective waited until the noise from the brewing coffee machine disappeared before speaking quietly.

"We know you and Castle are...whatever. Just, Ryan and me? We got your back, no matter what."

Looking at Esposito, you'd never know how much of a softy he could be. Beckett felt her love for this man, as close to a brother as she'd ever get, deepen just that little more. She didn't doubt he would always have her back, and she knew it wasn't something he necessarily needed to emphasize, but shewas pleased he had. Hugging would have startled the poor guy and made him question _her_ sanity, so she settled for squeezing his arm.

"Thanks, Javi. But Castle and I...we're just..." Well, no, she wasn't ready to put a name on what they were. Especially to anyone but herself and Castle.

"Friends?" Esposito supplied, though his expression screamed scepticism.

Beckett laughed lightly and handed him his freshly brewed coffee. "Always friends, Esposito. We'll see what happens next." And with that cryptic ending, she grabbed the remaining two coffees and made her way over to her writer. She sat in her seat, raised an eyebrow at his bloated cheeks.

"You stuff all the red ones in again?" She asked, sliding his cup over. He nodded, his face the picture of guilt. She placed one elbow on the table, rested her chin on top of her palm.

"Do you remember what happened the last time you did that?"

He began to chew and swallow the chocolates rapidly. The last time he'd stuffed his mouth, she'd surprised him, and pretty much everyone watching, by slapping her hands against his cheeks. The M & M's had shot out, skittered all over her desk and the floor. The look of absolute shock on his face had been so priceless she'd had to spend ten minutes in the break room to stop laughing.

"Good boy. Now, just let me quickly check my emails then Esposito and Ryan can catch us up."

She logged onto her computer, quickly scrolled through her emails, only pausing to smile at the writer as he sheepishly placed a few non-eaten red M & M's by her coffee.

"Hey, Beckett, ready?"

Beckett glanced up at Ryan and nodded. She logged off, and just to disgust Castle, popped the treats into her mouth and swallowed them with a gulp of her coffee. His revolted expression said it all, and she knew she'd get a lecture later. Really, she wasn't a fan of M & M's mixed with coffee, but the rise she got out of him was always worth it.

"Let's go see what's happening, my writer man."

He jumped up and followed her like the good puppy he was. "_Your_ writer man indeed, my Detective."

She only rolled her eyes and walked a little bit faster, swinging her hips teasingly since she knew exactly why he stayed a few steps behind.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>

_A fluffy chapter for ya'll. Let me know if you liked?_


	15. Chapter 15

_Sometimes you love something so much that it hurts to leave it, but you must. Sometimes it hurts too much to hold on to that thing you love. _

_And sometimes you let go of what you love because it hurts, but then just sometimes...you get it back and live happily ever after_

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><p><em>Chapter 15<em>

Beckett strapped on her bullet proof vest and eyed the half a dozen cops surrounding her, all doing the same thing. Once they'd focused their attention back on her, she raised her voice to be heard over the rumbling sounds of the city streets.

"Our suspects name is Aaron Fry. Forty-eight, lives alone, fourth floor, apartment 102. Priors include assault to cause bodily harm and attempted robbery, amongst a slew of other charges. He served three years back in '06. File says suspect is trained in combat and has succeeded multiple times in escaping police. He's become sloppy, left a fingerprint on the bomb that put one of our own in hospital, which indicates he's become more volatile. We want him alive, guys. Let's go."

The cops nodded, made their way into the six storey brick building, Esposito and Ryan leading the pack. Beckett held back, turned to her writer who was pulling his own vest out of the back of her patrol.

"Nuh uh, Castle. Remember, you stay _in_ the car."

He opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed a finger to his lips. "No, if you don't stay in the car then this '_following me'_ deal is over." She watched as annoyance crossed over his face, and decided to use a different tactic. Trailing her finger down to his chest, she circled her hand around his wrist. "Rick, just this once, please stay in the car. I know it's just like any other case, but after my...nightmare the other night, it's just...too soon. Ok?" She used her own version of puppy dog pleading eyes and it seemed to work. His face softened and with his free hand he threw the vest back into the trunk of her car.

"Ok, I'll stay. Be careful, Kate."

She nodded, glanced back quickly to see all the cops had disappeared, and pressed her lips to his. He tried to deepen the kiss, but she pulled away. Now was not the time to have her brain absorbed into mush by this man.

"I'll be back." After one last lingering kiss that almost threatened to turn her knees to jelly, she turned and followed her teammates into the building.

* * *

><p>Bored, slightly worried and absolutely starving, Castle tapped the theme song to <em>The Big Bang Theory <em>on the steering wheel of Beckett's patrol. She'd probably snark at him for sitting in her seat, but he couldn't help but want to touch the buttons and flash the lights. The gnawing panic in his stomach refused to go away, and worry had him glancing every few seconds to the fourth floor of the building their suspect was supposedly in. He jumped, and would never admit he squealed, when the cell in his back pocket began to vibrate. Lifting his body, he retrieved the device and debated whether or not to answer. _Mother_ continued to flash, and rather than have his mother call again and again, he answered.

"Mother."

"_Richard, darling, why didn't you tell me?"_

"Tell you what, mother?" Like he didn't already know what she was calling about.

"_About you and Kate, darling. Now, Alexis didn't mean to tell me, but it slipped out. Oh, Richard, I'm so happy for you."_

Castle knew how persistent his mother could be, understood that's where his own nagging trait came from, and knew Alexis wouldn't have stood a chance against her inquisitive grandmother.

"Mother, we really haven't discussed anything properly, alright? Just, Kate and I have a few things to work out."

There was a dramatic sigh from the other end and Castle held back his grin.

"_Fine, Richard. But I do like to be kept in the loop, you know. How is Kate, by the way?"_

Castle went to answer, but a fast moving figure snagged his attention.

"_Mother, gotta go, talk later."_ He hung up, barely heard her protests as he tried to focus on the person bolting down the fire escape on the side of the building. He glanced at a picture of their suspect pinned to the patrol's dash, looked back up at the figure and made a positive ID. His heart beating wildly, he grabbed the two way radio, checked it was on the right frequency.

"Beckett? Kate, you there?"

"_What, Castle?"_ Her annoyed voice crackled over the radio.

"The suspect, he's heading down the fire escape on the third storey. I'll stop him." He opened the car door, heard her infuriated _Castle, don't you dare leave that car, _and ignored it. He glanced around, found nothing he could use as a weapon. He heard a bang, glanced up and saw Beckett had burst through a door and was streaking down the fire escape, only a few paces behind their suspect. She called out for him to stop, freeze, but he kept running, turning once to fire the gun in his right hand. Beckett ducked, the bullet narrowly missing her neck. Castle felt the blood drain from his head and black dots appeared in his vision. _That_ was close. The bullet had been only inches away from her head. This was exactly why he shouldn't stay in the car.

He was frozen to the spot, could only watch in horror as Aaron Fry leapt to the ground and sprinted down the alley. He opened his mouth, tried to yell, but only a croak came out. He glanced up again, saw Beckett hurdling down to the second storey, fury etched across her face. Their suspect turned once more, fired another shot towards Beckett. It looked as though she'd dodged the missile, but she stumbled slightly before regaining her balance and firing her own weapon.

Finding his voice, his adrenaline kicking in, Castle rounded to the front of the car.

"Hey! Stop right there!"

"Castle! No!" Beckett's horrified shout drew his attention back to her. In slow motion, he saw her eyes widen, heard another loud bang from off to his right. Beckett's long legs looked so graceful as she leapt from the second level and it took him milliseconds to realise her body, flying through the air, was going to collide with his own. He turned his head; saw that Aaron Fry had his gun pointed at _him_, his finger already off the trigger. He looked up just as Beckett's body crashed into his own, the force knocking him off his feet. They slammed into the concrete, the air leaving his body. One of her hands had wrapped around his neck, her palm splayed against his head to stop it cracking on impact. He tried to take a breath, but between the wind being knocked from his lungs and the weight of Beckett's body, he struggled.

* * *

><p>Beckett wanted to cry. Or hit him. Or scream. She couldn't decide which. The thumping of Castle's heart under her body was confirmation enough that he was ok, but the fear pumping through her veins wouldn't leave. <em>God<em>, the absolute terror that had raced through her when she'd seen their suspect aim his gun at Castle had almost rendered her immobile. She knew the leap from so high up was dangerous, she could've injured them both, but it was a risk she was willing to take, so long as it meant Castle didn't end up with a bullet in his head, which he would have if she hadn't jumped.

The hand beneath his head, protecting his skull from connecting with the concrete, throbbed painfully. Holding back a whimper, she pulled it out from under him and rolled off his body, landing on her own back. Cradling her hand to her chest, she turned her head to look at her shadow.

"Castle? You ok?"

He was gasping, wheezing for air, and she guessed the impact of her body had knocked the wind from his. Shifting to kneel by his side, groaning because _Jesus _she ached, she touched one hand to his cheek.

"Hey, Castle, look at me." When he did, his eyes full of pain but also apology; she smiled and held back a sob of relief.

"You ok?"

He took a deep breath, nodded. "Yeah, yeah I'm ok. Good thing you don't weigh a ton."

She smacked his shoulder with her good hand, before leaning down and joining her lips to his. He was still panting, but she couldn't stop herself from drawing the needed air from his lungs as her mouth desperately clung to his. His arms lifted upwards, his fingers curling around her biceps. A stab of pain radiated through her left arm and she jerked away from him, glancing down and seeing, to her surprise, blood spreading across her white shirt.

"Kate, you've been shot!" Castle's body jerked up, the force knocking her onto her ass. She grunted in annoyance as he knelt in front of her, his fingers frantically trying to search for the wounds entry.

"Castle, stop. The bullet only grazed me." Grazed. Didn't mean it didn't hurt like a bitch though. The adrenaline was wearing off, the pain becoming more pronounced. The worried face in front of her blurred, and she thought it might be best if she sat down.

"Kate, you are sitting down."

Had she said that out loud? The face of her writer came back into focus, his expression full of concern. Right. Yes, she was sitting. How silly of her.

"Kate, hey, Katie, look at me." Warm fingers cupped her cheeks, and she focused back on Castle.

"I'm ok, Castle. Really. Just a bit dizzy." Dizzy Beckett didn't like that there were three Castle's hovering in her line of vision now. One was enough on a good day.

Castle didn't look convinced, instead called out over his shoulder. "Javier, call Lanie. Beckett needs to be checked out, a bullet's grazed her arm and she's disoriented."

Beckett was at least thankful he wasn't calling for an ambulance. With a tired sigh, her eyelids feeling so incredibly heavy, she tilted forwards, resting her head in the crook of Castle's neck. He smelled so good. So nice and..._Castle_ like. His hands stroked through her hair, his fingers gentle but shaky.

"It's ok, Kate. You're ok, I've got you, sweetheart." His soothing murmur, the press of his lips to her forehead was enough for her to give up the fight. She succumbed to the darkness blurring her vision, knowing she'd be ok. Castle was holding her, and he'd never let go.

* * *

><p><em>TBC<em>


End file.
